I Wish

I normally try to keep my blog structured but man, I wish I had what other people have which is love.

I have good parents. I make good money. I have good friends yet, I am lonely.

My family and friends know I prefer going out and hanging out by myself but, there’s a difference between being alone and lonely.

One can be alone by themselves and have fun.

One can be lonely and have it slowly eat them up from the inside.

Yes, I do get compliments.

I do get told every now and then that I look good and shit.

What’s the use though?

Looking good won’t amount to anything.

You will always get old.

Making money won’t amount to anything.

Your account will be under the Income Tax Department’s scrutiny.

Making money won’t amount to anything.

You will always lose whatever money you make.

You know what you won’t lose?

LOVE.

Love is something that you’re never going to lose as you will always be loved by somebody.

Your parents are an exception.

Yeah yeah yeah, I know I sound like a pissant and an idiot and someone who’s desperate.

But,

One will never how what love feels like when they’ve never had it.

I’ve never had it.

Well, I’ve been in love before. Once. I know how it is and I am trying to find the same but, with no luck.

I find myself clawing at the walls trying to find love.

My fingernails are broken and the tips of my fingers are bloody.

That is how much I have tried.

Yet, I haven’t found love.

I don’t know if I ever will.

If I die as a lonely person, I want everyone to know.

The ones who paid my bills.

The ones who carried me home when I was drunk.

The ones who supported me no matter what stupid shit I did.

The ones who were always there for me.

I’m grateful for y’all.

I always will be.

Sometimes, when I’m with these 5 people who I call my family, I tend to say, “I’m happy everyone’s here right now”. 

It might sound annoying for everyone around me.

But, y’all have no idea how much it means to me.

That everyone’s together in the present.

Yet, I find myself, clawing my fingers through something that resembles a brick wall trying to find love.

Drunk Fucks

There are people who call you to drink and hang out and there are people who call you to drink and hang out.

Four people.

They don’t call me.

But, they call me, they ask me to come to a certain place and that’s it. There’s no arguing, there’s no saying “no I can’t come”. I just have to be there.

That’s about it.

Mayur, Anoop, Rahul and Karan.

I love you guys.

Loser

The more I try to find love, the more I realise how much of a loser I am.

Me pushing away good people who genuinely loved me. LOSER.

Me not listening to people who loved me. LOSER.

Me being an asshole to people who actually cared about me. LOSER.

I don’t think I’m ever going to find love. 

I don’t think I’m ever going to find that person who’s the one.

Why?

Because I’m a loser.

Who would want to love a loser like me?

Who would want to fall in love with a loser like me?

I pity the one who loves me because I’m the biggest loser of them all.

Best time ever

 I’m at Chin Lungs (a pub) with my friends.

I am drunk right now.

This is when I’m happy.

With my friends.

With Mayur.

With Nysa.

I don't know what's happening to me

 I am on the verge of having another crash-out.

I do not know what's happening to me

I am lonely.

I text people, but I do not matter to them.

I might kill myself.

Abandonment

 If you’ve noticed, whatever photos I click that’s a part of my photography page stems from abandonment.

Every element, every subject and object in whatever pictures I click, if you notice hard enough, the way I see it, you’ll see something that’s part of being abandoned, lonely, given up on and forgotten.

This is where my creativity stems from. The feeling of being useless, left behind and abandoned. It drives me to look at things in that manner of perspective.

I guess sometimes you find inspiration from what you least expect.

It does hurt.

Look at what I’m getting out of it though.

Good fucking pictures.

Unrequited love

Here I am again talking about the hellhole that I have to go through and it's called Life.

Sometimes I think about the people I've had in my life. They're all good people but a few exceptions.

I think I'm the problem.

I have no idea what is wrong with me that makes people either pull the "Brutus" on me or just leave me with no hope for anything regarding relationships. It's as if there's something underlying in me that puts people off.

I genuinely do not know why they do it.

It hurts in the chest.

2 Years

 It's 2025 and things have started to settle down. I've started working more and going out by myself.

I think it's necessary to take yourself out on a date sometimes. You all by yourself and no one to trouble you or set you off or annoy you. It is also when you realize the person you're going to become and it's going to make you reflect on your actions.

Was what you did right or wrong?

Was it the right decision that was made?

Are you doing enough for yourself?

The more you question yourself, the more you find out.

Besides me preaching about going out all by yourself, let's talk about 2025.

It's still January and it already feels like it's been 5 months. Time seems to be moving very slow. The weather is cold and I absolutely love that and things seemed to have gotten more boring that what it usually is. I like it this way. It makes me feel nostalgic and reminds me of when I was 10 when I had nothing else to do than eat, finish homework, play outside and sleep.

Nothing will ever beat the feeling of being 10 years old.

New Year's Resolution?

Become a better person than I was last year.

I say that because I've very ignorant of people around me. I don't even talk that much whenever I'm home as well. Only what's necessary. It does make things less complicated to deal with but it also reduces communication so that's that. It's become pretty depressing but I'm working on it.

I've still not moved on from whatever happened almost a year and a half ago. It's just stuck there and the void keeps getting bigger and bigger to the point where I think it cannot be filled. It's become a black hole of sorts now. Takes everything in but doesn't know what to do with it nor has any meaning to it. I've tried my best to make sure I move on but now it's become impossible. There's always going to be a part of whatever we had stuck in me and it's big enough to not let me explore in terms of having a partner. At some point it might let me, but until then, I'm stuck here.

Full Circle

The thing about having moved on from a relationship is that it always come back to you. You won’t know when but it will always happen. It will happen when you least expect it. When you aren’t looking. When you’re at your weakest.

You can tell yourself that you’ve moved on and that you don’t want anything to do with it but the way I’ve experienced it is entirely different.

I too, once, kept telling myself that I had moved on. That it wouldn’t affect me in any way from that point onwards. Now I know that it does affect me in certain ways where I think twice before doing anything so that I don’t have fingers pointed at me.

It gets frustrating.

It gets annoying.

You live with it.

The circle is complete now.

Finding peace

I’ve finally found peace.

I’ve got different sources of income and I’m making good money. I’ve started to spend more time with my parents and it’s been helping me become more grounded. 

Most importantly, I celebrated my 21st birthday by myself. I’ve not celebrated my birthday from the past 9 years and it’s going to stay the same but this one was the best birthday ever.

This is how it went, I woke up, took a bath, got ready and left home. I went to Indian Coffee House and had a nice cup of coffee. I took a Metro to Indiranagar and walked to Skindeep (Tattoo Shop). I got a tattoo and went back to Airlines Hotel. I had a glass of coffee there and smoked a few cigarettes. I roamed around for a bit. I walked around until it was 7 pm and then I went back home.

The best birthday celebration ever.

I also deactivated my Instagram account for two days starting on the day before my birthday. It was the best decision I’ve ever made as I received no unnecessary texts from people I don’t even know trying to wish me “happy birthday” just because they saw me on someone’s story. I mean, I hate being posted on stories as well and being wished so that’s that.

But, what I’ve realised is that, the more quiet it is, the less attention you attract and that makes for a peaceful day.

It’s the only day I’ve not had a headache.

A bowling alley

I had never thought that life would be going this smooth.

I’ve got plenty of work to be done and I’ve met new people. I’ve also met people who have made me the happiest I’ve been in a while and if you’re reading this, you’ll know that it’s you.

I’ve been getting new clothes, shoes and I’ve also gotten inspired by people and a lot of things around me. My passion to dress up differently has come back.

With all good things, I am skeptical, for all good things will come to an end. It’s Murphy’s Law. Whatever is supposed to happen will happen and there is no stopping it. 

This short period of extreme happiness will come to an end by the end of September. I will be done with all of my work in the next few months. The things that make me happy will eventually come to an end. But, I will find more ways to make myself happy as it doesn’t depend on one person or one thing.

As for my life, it’s like a bowling alley. The ball glides smoothly and knocks the pins over but it eventually comes to a stop. It’s either abrupt or gradual and I don’t know how things are going to end with me.

Also, chances are a thing. Hopefully, you will get your chance and we will get our chance. For that, we will have to wait.

Khichdi

Mum made khichdi today.

It reminded me of the time when I went to my girlfriend's place after class and she had made khichdi for me because I'd be hungry.

I can't lie, It was the best khichdi I've ever had.

I also remember this one time when I was dead tired and my eyes wouldn't stay open. She sat in front of me and fed me until I was full.

I am realizing now that all these things are so valuable to me.

I want all of it back.

Everything just seemed to be so easy like a year and a half ago.

Been a minute

24/07/24

It would’ve been a year of being together today.

If we were still together.

I miss her more than ever.

Everyday feels like an eternity and every second I live here feels like someone has taken a hammer to my heart.

The pain is physical.

The pain is something I’ve never felt before.

The pain has made me into something that I am not.

I love you<3.

The murderer

I would like to recite a parable.

Once there was a man. He always used to put himself before others and would make sure that they were doing good in life.

He met a girl. He fell in love with her. He put his everything into the relationship, but it wasn’t enough for the girl and she left him for someone else. He hit rock bottom, but he picked himself up again and every single person he fell in love with had left him.

There was this one girl he had met. His last, he said. She was the one for him or so he felt.

It was good.

Until, a third person came in. The third person fed him lies. Lies about incidents that never happened. This troubled the mind of the selfless man and he had made some rash decisions. 

In the end, he had lost everything and had hit rock bottom again where he would remain.

He had killed his emotions, feelings, and whatever love he had left in his heart that had now become ice cold.

He was his own murderer.

A murderer of his own emotions and feelings.

MMHM

Here we are again. It’s that time of the year.

Feeling sad is okay but being there permanently isn’t.

This won’t be long. I don’t want to bug anyone constantly because I know how it feels when someone forces you to talk to them or open up or reveal things that you’ve never before talked about.

I get it. 

Sometimes all you want is to be free and you don’t see any other path to be free except for that one path.

Trust me, don’t go down that path.

Never take a single step down that path as you will have dug yourself a hole that will only get deeper with the steps you take.

I will say this though, find someone who understands you, someone who will be there to HELP you out. Talk to them. I’d rather be vulnerable with someone who understands me than with someone who is there just for the time being.

For everyone who says that being sad, vulnerable and showing emotions are for pussies, go fuck yourselves.

Promises and Lies

There I was and here I am.

I don't understand why people lie.

There they were and here they are.

Maybe because they aren't comfortable with telling me something that might make me uncomfortable or maybe they just don't want to tell me things or maybe because they just want to lie.

I hate it when people lie to me. I'd rather have them tell me straight up what the issue is or not tell me at all but this beating around the bush and bending the truth is something I don't appreciate.

Like damn, you really had to go there huh?

Lies have ruined good relationships between people. Take it as you want to. It has ruined me and others.

I have lied before. I have faced the consequences of it. Trust me, it ain't pretty.

You make up more lies to cover up the one just spoken.

Why?

Because you're scared. You're scared that they might make it in life and you won't. You're scared that they might forget you. You're scared because you are.

I'd rather have the truth be said to my face and have it rip me apart to shreds than taste the lie that is ever so sweet as a spoonful of honey.

Remember, the Bittergourd (truth) is more beneficial than sugar (lie).

In some cases, the truth and the lie hurts the same.

But, it is I who fooled myself by believing whatever was being said to my face.

There I was.

And here I am, dealing with the betrayal and the lies told to me by someone I once considered my brother.

 

The Art of Peer Pressure

There we were, lying on the bed.

I was blabbering on about 90s hip-hop and how MF DOOM is the greatest rapper and how NWA dominated the music industry for a while but then Nas put out his greatest album of all time which is “Illmatic” and how Wu-Tang Clan is known for their grittiness when it comes to rap.

There she was, listening to me blabber on about what I loved even though she knew little to nothing about it.

We were lying on the bed.

Listening to “The Art of Peer Pressure” by Kendrick Lamar, the best rapper of our time.

She asked why I loved that song.

I explained.

The song is about how Kendrick was forced into doing things which he didn’t like and how he was coerced into doing it by his friends. He raps about how they made a right then made a left and a right again, and then another right. Kendrick and his “homies” had a lucky night while evading the police.

We sat up. The song was put on repeat, but she didn’t mind that it was playing on repeat. She liked the rhythm and the way it sounded. She looked into my eyes as Kendrick rapped on.

I looked back at her.

Dead into her eyes.

Our lips felt each other.

we sat there in each other’s embrace.

“The Art of Peer Pressure” plays in my ears.

I miss her.

I miss being in her arms.

All this.

All alone.

Staring blankly at the ceiling.

At 3 in the morning.

There I was, lying on my bed.

Ashes

I was burning, I still am. The smell fills the place that I am at. Ashes everywhere. I try and pick up whatever is left of me at that moment. I take a broom to it. I fill all the ashes in a jar but it is not enough. It will never be enough.

I go searching for her in every person I meet, yet I’m not able to find what I’m looking for. I search in every nook and cranny but in vain. I make some coffee and when I take a sip of it, it reminds me of her lips. All those nights spent together, naked, looking into each other’s eyes and thinking that we’re going to make it. We’re going to sit and look back at everything that we’ve been through and tell each other that we made it. That we made it through every single hurdle that life threw at us.

Now I spend my nights alone. Wide awake and looking at the ceiling while I think of her. I check my phone every hour, hoping that I get a message from her but without any success.

I try to climb out from the hole that I’ve fallen into. The hole that I’ve dug for myself.

Without success.

I sit back and light up a cigarette. I smoke it until I see more ash than the cigarette produces.

It’s me.

I’m burning.

Entirely going up in flames.

I try and pick up whatever is left of me. All the ash. I try and put it in a jar but it’s not enough.

There is more ash than I expected.

I’m burning.

It’s a bonfire.

The jar is filled to the brim.

It’s not enough.

It will never be enough.

No man's land

Sometimes I think about the things that I do.

Does it affect me? If so, in what way?

People who know me very well know that I tend to be reckless and sometimes idiotic when it comes to me doing stupid shit. I am also responsible for a lot of things that I do as well. It's almost as if I'm half and half.

Sometimes I am stupid enough to dive head-first into certain things but facing the consequences tends to result in character development. That is something that will always be welcomed. It is also that phase where I do not know where I am or what I am doing.

I am sort of divided at the moment right now.

Should I finish my assignments or not?

Should I iron my clothes or not?

Should I go to college or not?

I tend to confuse myself but sometimes, in the rarest of rare cases, I come out of it.

I had posted something very recently.

It said, "I only write when I am in love or when I am sad".

At the moment, as I am typing this out, I neither am in love nor am I sad. I am somewhat at a crossroads. Confused.

I am in no man's land.

The Process

The process of moving on can sometimes be a tough phase to deal with. It's easy for some and for some, it's like taking a walk through hell.

Everyone says it's easy to move on and they tell you to find someone else to date or hook up with. From my experience, It is definitely not easy. It's the hardest thing I've been trying to do but fail every single time. I try to move on by distracting myself from whatever happened but it is not that simple.

The proverb, "Easier said than done" applies here.

People do understand how it is but they never fully get the part where you're trying to detach yourself from the times you spent together, the memories you have, the sleepless nights when you've slept next to them while looking into their eyes and at that moment, you think that this will all work out. You see yourself in the future with them.

It also pisses me off when people tell me that they've been through more than other people have. It absolutely does not work that way. Every single person who's breathing on this planet has shit of their own to deal with. What seems small to the person next to you might be a huge roadblock that you're trying to get across. Sometimes, it's better to tell them that they will get through it with time than to tell them that their problems are nothing compared to the other person.

Sometimes I think about it. When I walk past that person, do I say "Hi" and ask them how they're doing or just walk past as if they were a stranger? This is something to which I don't have the answer yet, but with time, I will.

Until then, I will keep trying to move on and I won't give up until I've taken a whiff of that fresh air.

The air does seem different when you have moved on.

It feels fresh.

A metaphorical slap on the head

 I'd like to begin this by putting out a list of names.

-Chris

-Shounak

-Mohith

-Krishna

These are the names of people who have corrected my mistakes on the spot. These are the people I am grateful for.

Recently, Shounak was telling me about something that made me think as to why I was behaving in that particular way. He made me realize that what I was doing was extremely wrong and that it was ruining my image. It made me realize that I was fucking things up with people without even knowing it but that "slap on the head" was what woke me up.

The entire reason why I mentioned those names in the beginning is because I am here solely because of them. I know for a fact that those people are the ones who truly want me to succeed in life. I know that they will stand by my side whenever I need help or if I'm in trouble. I know that they will "slap me on the head" and tell me that I'm doing the wrong fucking things and correct me on the spot because they know as well as I do that if they don't correct me then and there, I will keep making the same mistake over and over again until my image and reputation is ruined.

I truly don't know how these people have put up with my shit, but I'm truly happy that they're in my life. 

I love you guys.

The ringing in my ear

There's always something that ticks you off.

It can be someone talking too much or that constant humming produced by the refrigerator.

It's a pain in the ass to get annoyed by everything around me but it's not really a pain if you're used to it. Sometimes there's solace in the things that annoy you. The extra information you receive when someone says something that's not necessary. You get to know things about them. Things you wouldn't want to know but it is how it is.

I'm doing fairly alright I'd say, stuck in between two places would be the right term.

The brutal truth is, I don't think I'm capable of love or being loved. After multiple experiences, I've come to the conclusion that it's just not possible. I'd deny if anyone said that I'll find someone better or someone who can actually show what love is because I've realized that it's all just bullshit. People will love you when they are gaining something from you or when they want something from you. Why would anyone want to be around you if they weren't gaining something from you? Take hook-up culture/casual relationships for example. The people involved in the relationship are gaining something out of each other. The guy uses his penis to gain pleasure and the girl uses her vagina to gain pleasure when it comes to sexual desires. The guy gets good company and the chance of having sex and the girl gets good company and food when it comes to going out on a date.

It can appear in various forms but people will never be selfless. It's basic human instinct. Hell, even I'm not selfless. I'd rather have good company around me for the company that I offer people around me and I'm very selective as to who I have around me.

I've learnt after many experiences with people and relationships that in the end, You and I are the ones who get fucked over despite giving the other person everything you ever could. I've accepted the fact that I've gotten fucked over and that I will get fucked over by certain people who I let into my life.

The only thing that I've been very grateful for is my friend circle. I've got a handful of people around me and they've been nothing but good to me. I consider them family at this point.

It's funny how people change as well. They're caring at the moment but the second you leave or the second you're not present in a certain situation, they're either slipping their hands into someone else's pants or sitting on their lap.

The happiest I've ever been

It has been a while since I've posted something here.

A bit too long maybe.

During the period of time when I stopped writing, Life has taken a turn for the better and for the worse. New friendships have been made and have been broken.

But, I've had the best 4 months of my life and the reason for that are these 4 people I am always with. Chris, Shravan, Zoya, and the other person is someone I shall not name as I am not in contact with them anymore. These four people have been the reason why I haven't gone insane. I honestly don't know how they put up with my shit but, I owe them a lot as of right now. From checking up on me at random times to making sure that I am okay mentally and physically, they have just been amazing. From staying over at the 4th person's place to making amazing memories with them, and receiving the best birthday gift ever. The only birthday gift I've gotten in a long time. I sure am going to miss the 4th person. Honestly, I am missing them right now as I'm typing this out.

There are things that are out of our control and it does not matter how much we try, we just cannot make it work. Not making it work and not being able to make sure that you go through with whatever plans you had made hurts you in ways you don't even know.

I am in pain right now.

But, I'll be okay.

I've made it this far.

I can keep going.

After all, I'm used to this.

Upbringing

I was a fairly spoilt kid.

My parents never denied me anything I asked for as a kid.

You can say I was pretty much pampered most of the time considering that I'm the only child, But I was also taught the value of money and how I should be aware of how much money I'm spending.

You could say that my upbringing was balanced of sorts. I was a responsible kid back then and I can still say that I'm responsible for a lot of things that I do to this day. I'm pretty much happy with the way my parents have raised me. They've taught me to be nice to people, respectful, And not take any bullshit from the ones who are too stupid to argue with.

The only downside to being nice to people is that it won't get you shit. In very rare cases, Being nice will get you people like Chris and Shravan. They are people who actually give a shit about how I feel and what I'm going through. They're the nicest people to have around even tho they look a bit intimidating. I can proudly say that they're my constants in life right now. They are people I would never give up for anyone or anything else.

Like I've said before, Being nice will get you nowhere in life, But in rare cases it will but the chances of that happening are very low. I've been taught to be nice to everyone but look at where I am right now. Life is immensely fucked and it's all because I was being nice, truthful, And transparent with people. I'm fine with losing people who do not want to be in my life but man, It does hurt when someone says that I was fine with losing them so that makes out to me having the ability to leave them whenever I want to.

It simply does not work that way.

When someone says something and you agree with whatever they said because it might have consequences in the future, It does not mean that they're giving up easily. Simply put, It means that you're preventing whatever is going to happen in the future that might fuck you up.

I'm at fault here because I agreed to it.

It is alright to be very honest.

This is what I'm used to.

This is what I'll be dealing with throughout my life.

Being a disappointment and being disappointed.

Kendrick once said, "I look at where I'm at today and realize that most of my success is owed to the mentors that was in my life".

The funny thing is, I look at the place where I'm at today but I had the wrong mentors in life.

But fuck it.

It is what it is.

P.S., I won't be posting anything here for a while.

The only part of life that I’m used to

It’s really hard for a person to just give up everything that they’ve worked for. It’s as though you’re giving up on life when you give up on whatever hobbies and things that you do that interest you.

I might be at that point in life as of right now.

I might have to give up on certain things that give me some motivation that I’ll make it through whatever hell hole I am in but that’s alright. That’s the only thing I actually am pretty much used to in life I guess.

There is something in The Life of Pi that I can relate to a lot and it’s when Pi in the movie says that in the end, the whole of life becomes an act of letting go, but what always hurts the most is not taking a moment to say goodbye.

In my case, me saying goodbye to the things and people I like will probably be the most hurtful part.

Everything that I’ve built up was something that took place in real life. There’s a touch of something to it that makes it hard for me to let go, but when the time comes, that will be the only option I’ll have.

I will probably stop writing when that day comes and whatever legacy I’ve built up to this point will cease to exist. 

That day will be the last day that you get to see the real side of myself. 

My real side?

Whatever I’ve put down here, that’s my real side.

I will probably regret certain decisions I’ve made  but that’s alright. For someone who doesn’t have regrets, I’ll know how how it feels to have some.

The brutal truth everyone doesn’t want to hear but it’s absolutely necessary.

The brutal truth is, whatever you’ve seen that is mine will just not exist when the day comes where I have to let go and it is coming pretty soon. It’s right around the corner to put it in simpler terms.

I'm with the Homies

The past two months have been kind to me in every aspect.

The people I'm with right now are good for me. They just do not give me reasons as to why I should distance myself from them.

The only real people in my class are Chris and Shravan. They've been nothing but kind to me ever since class started. The beginning was pretty rough though. I suck at making friends but somehow, I got along with Chris and Shravan.

Shravan is the one who used to pick me up from Airlines Hotel every morning on his way to class and soon was accompanied by Chris. I reach M G Road by 6:10 in the morning and I walk to Airlines Hotel where I wait for Shravan and Chris to pick me up. They give me a call as soon as both of them have left their homes together and then they pick me up from Airlines Hotel. All three of us go together on the same scooter.

I know it's unsafe but the best part of riding together on the same scooter is the fun that we have on the way to college. We talk about random topics that pop into our head and we make fun of people on the way. Quite harsh but it's fun. Sometimes, We stop and drink some tea and sometimes we don't. We only stop to drink tea if we have enough time to reach class.

The best memory I have is when all three of us went out to Church Street to click some pictures for our photography assignment. We had too much fun that day. I wish I could go back and relive that moment again.

Sometimes when we are hungry and need something to eat and when I don't have money, Chris and Shravan will butt in so that we all can eat together. They both correct me if I'm doing something wrong and they support me to the maximum.

The best part about both of them is that they keep things real with me. They never put lipstick on a pig. They give things to me straight and that is the only way I'd like to receive things. They do not hide anything from me and neither do I.

I never expected to make any friends in college.

But, Here I am with these two other goofballs, Having fun.

I'm with the Homies.

The Chocolate Factory

The last month and a half has treated me really nicely. Things that you don't expect to happen randomly do happen when you least expect them to.

There are people who walk into your life and just never leave and that has happened to me twice this year.

The people I'm talking about are the friends I've made in college. I consider them my brothers rather than just friends.

We call ourselves The Chocolate Factory.

There's a very funny reason why we call ourselves The Chocolate Factory. It all started when Ankur AKA Oompa Loompa/Grape showed up to class. I've known Ankur for a while now and we go back to the days when I was in 1st and 2nd PU. We used to hang out at Church Street when we skipped class or during lunch break. Ankur is short, skinny, and filled with energy to the point where it makes him goofy, Hence the alias Oompa Loompa.

The person who came up with the term "The Chocolate Factory" was Chris. Now, Chris is the oldest in the group. He's two years older than me but is extremely respectful and kind to everyone. He looks out for other people and he is very easy to talk to. Easily approachable would be the right term for Chris.

Then there is Joseph AKA Joe/Jo. Joseph is that one guy in class who takes time in presenting himself the best way he can. Every single outfit he wears is meticulously thought out and planned. The best thing is that Joseph knows how to pull the outfit off. He's almost similar to Chris when it comes to being easily approachable. Joe is laid back and easygoing.

Then there's Shravan AKA Shravs/Bobby. Shravan was the second person I became friends with when classes started and now, He's the one who picks me up from my Girlfriend's place or Airlines Hotel every morning. He is super chill and very respectful towards everyone. He's also a person who doesn't take shit from anyone and he's also the youngest one in the group.

There's Zoya. If one were to look at her for the first time, They'd get intimidated. She's got a resting face that is pretty scary (Sorry Zoya) but she is very fun once you get to know her as a person. Zoya has a dog. His name is Buddy and he shares the same personality traits as Zoya. I never really spoke to her much in the beginning but it was Chris who broke the ice. He was the first one to approach her and then the rest of us did.

Ansh is also a part of the group. We never really got along that well in the beginning but after spending time with him, We got along pretty well. He mostly stays to himself but he's outgoing and he's intellectually brilliant.

Getting along with people with the same mindset as you is really fun. It's fun when someone knows how to take a joke or a prank the way it's meant to be taken. That is when you know that everyone will get along.

I never expected this to happen but here we are.

The Unexpected

This year started out pretty much shit, But it has turned out to be the best year of my life as I've found myself having more fun than I expected.

Class started on the 18th of last month and I made new friends. The gang (The Chocolate Factory) consists of 7 people. Chris, Joseph(Jo), Ankur(Grape/Oompa Loompa), Shravan(Yes Mom), Dasan(D), Kiran, And Ansh. I think that we're the only people in the class who openly have fun while we sit on the first two benches but we also do contribute when there's a question that's been asked by the teachers.

We pretty much violate each at every chance we get but none of us take it in a way where it harms the bond we have with each other. Ankur is the one who gets made fun of the most. We call him "Oompa Loompa" as he's a bit short and blurts out random shit at the most unexpected times. He said something about having coffee with curd and Viagra and we haven't stopped bringing it up ever since he mentioned it, But he never gets angry or annoyed when we make fun of him. Instead, He retaliates by making fun of us and I think that is how things are supposed to be.

I have also found out that I've started focusing more on the things I need to get done. I do get distracted every now and then but I try and get myself back on track.

I met someone else.

That is what was unexpected.

I’m just here

Sometimes, Things don’t go the way you wanted it or planned to.

And that’s alright.

Broken Trust

You decide to trust someone with your feelings and emotions but sometimes things don't pan out the way you expected them to.

I am the kind of person that would rather receive bad news straight from the person it involves than receive it from someone else. A person I know and trust with my life took the time and put in effort to inform me of someone I trust. They told me that they were involved in certain things that would break the bond we had with each other and I was pretty much shocked to listen to them tell me certain things about a person that I had a special bond with.

Sometimes, You start to wonder where you went wrong when you hear such things and sometimes you feel like you were lacking in certain things but you cannot for the sake of it, Figure out where you're lacking. That's pretty much how I felt yesterday when I was listening to them telling me that this person has been getting involved in certain things. I felt confused, Let down, Disappointed, And whatever trust I had with the person just felt like it wasn't there anymore. To put it bluntly, I felt like shit.

When someone you trust your life with and someone you would believe anything that they told you tells you those things about a certain person, There is something that flips inside of you and you start wondering where you went wrong for them to have done such a thing like that. That was me yesterday. A lot of things that I spent time stowing away came flooding back and I found myself in a place where I didn't know how to feel. Everything that I had worked hard to build just came crashing down. I thought about what I should be feeling at that moment but I realised that I was feeling nothing. The only thought that was in my head at that certain point in time was, "Why would someone do that to me when they know what I've been through?".

I am the kind of person who if I ever heard something that would damage the bond between myself and the person I trust, Whatever I've heard will just keep playing over and over and over again in my head like a damaged record. The thought of it never goes away because I've been there multiple times and to go through it again just does not feel good.

I was with Cheeku when I heard the news and he somehow helped me calm down. My anxiety had started peaking and I could not for the sake of it, Figure out what I'd do next. The thought I had in my mind just kept bugging me throughout the entire day and night.

My mentality stability right now, At this moment is entirely fucked up. I need time to process why I don't feel anything about the situation at hand right now but at the same time is somehow affecting my mind.

I probably will never trust them again or believe anything that they say but only time will tell and I kid you not, The person who informed me about it is someone who would never lie to me and they are someone who would rather tell me the bitter truth than the sweet lie and I'm grateful that they are that kind of person.

I am split between things right now.

I do not know what I am supposed to do.

New Beginnings

After two attempts at clearing my math paper, I finally did it on my third attempt. I was pretty much stoked when I got my result, But that's not why I'm here.

I joined a college and got into the course I loved. I've worked as a part-time video editor for two years and now I'm going to be learning things in detail. All this while, I've always learned how to edit videos and photos on YouTube but to be actually learning something you are very interested in and to have certification for it is an entirely different thing and the latter being the part that I am stoked about.

But, There's been a lot that has been going on. I broke up with the person who I was with because of reasons that I do not want to elaborate. I've been going out too much in terms of having fun and it's time to be serious about things. Classes started on the 18th of this month and it's been really good so far. I've met people from different states and they all seem nice, For now at least. I've made a few friends and the teachers are all really nice to us.

The course I've chosen requires a laptop and a camera. I have a laptop but not a camera and I will be getting one pretty soon. I've filtered down my options and have arrived at a conclusion. This will be the first camera I will have owned and I'm excited about it. I went for something that I can use for a long period of time without it becoming obsolete.

I've made a single ballsy decision this year and that's when I trimmed all of my hair. People knew me by the curly hair that I grew out for two years. My mentor had asked me to shorten my hair and I got a really good-looking mullet but while I was sitting there at the barbershop, I thought to myself, Why don't I trim all my hair off? It'll grow back out anyway and all I need to do is wait two years for my hair to grow out to the point where it was back then and that was when I made the most ballsy decision ever. I asked the barber to trim all of my hair and I was pretty satisfied with the result. It didn't exactly feel good but after letting it marinate for a couple of days, I think that a buzz cut suits me well.

I've had a couple of good days this week and I hope it's the same throughout the entire year. I'll be busy for a while now and y'all might get to read very few of my blogs but I'll make sure that there's enough content here for y'all to come back here. After all, It's a blog of my everyday life and whatever things I think about.

Those are the Disturbing Voices In My Head.

Flowers

A flower is considered the most beautiful and vibrant part of a flower. This is the same part of a plant that turns into a fruit that feeds us.

The flower goes through pollination which fertilizes the embryo which in turn develops into a seed and the remaining tissue that surrounds is what becomes the fruit. We all know this back from school where they teach us the entire process of a flower turning into a fruit but what they don't teach us in school is how beautiful the entire process is.

The wilting of the petals, The ovary enlarging and the branch of the plant drooping down without breaking to make up for the weight of the fruit after it has entirely developed. The transformation is very satisfying to watch and it means a lot to a certain individual when that certain individual has been caring for the plant. To see something from being nothing to something is just blissful.

When you take a plant as a whole, It's just one single color, Green. A flower gives it a different shade. It can be pink, Purple, Blue, Or any other color. But a flower sets itself apart from the same boring old monotony. It's as if the flower gave life to something that was dead. It's as if something has been revived. Something that was chained down deep inside but when released, It turns out to be the most beautiful thing ever.

Everyone knows that we would all pick a flower in a garden because it's beautiful. I'd do the same. I'd pick the same flower over and over again because it's beautiful and sets itself apart from the rest. It's not the same as the other flowers or the plants in the garden. The one I'd always pick is unique. It's beautiful and I'd do the same thing over and over and over again because its beauty and uniqueness could never bore me.

This applies to life as well. We don't know anything in the beginning but as we go on, We learn things and we grow, The same as that of a flower. We all start from a tiny bud which then blooms into something that's beautiful.

I say, Pick the flower that makes you happy and keep it with you for as long as you can because that kind of happiness can never be replaced by anything else.

The Templar

If you'd ask my friends what the word "Templar" means, Then they would probably tell you that it's a pub that was previously known as Wyt.

The origin of the word goes back to the 12th century and it's a name given to the secret society that was responsible for the success of the First Crusade. People who like to read history might already know this.

I randomly went out yesterday to Church Street. I never told anyone I'd be there and that was intentional. I just wanted to go there alone and be by myself. So, Since I was there anyway, I thought I'd get a drink or two and headed to Templar (The pub previously known as Wyt). It was unusually empty on a Sunday but I couldn't care less because I wanted to be by myself anyway.

I got a drink and I was sitting out on the balcony where you can smoke. I had walked past the only other two people there at the pub and both of them were girls and appeared to be drinking. I lit up a cigarette and started to sip on the drink I got. It took me around 15 minutes to finish it all because I was drinking slower. I finished the drink and headed out to Airlines. I sat there for a while petting Cheeku and decided that I'd get another drink and so, I walked all the way back to the pub again. By the time I reached it, The desire to have another drink had faded so I went over to the balcony again and lit up a cigarette and that was when one of the girls whom I had walked past came out and told me she liked my hair and it's pretty normal for people to compliment my hair but to have sat down next to me and trying to find out more? That was a first.

Fast forward a 10-minute conversation, Her friend joins us and we start talking about random things and how we have a lot of mutual friends. We spoke for a while and then later we decided to go inside. It was time for me to leave so we exchanged our Instagram profiles and I headed back home. I went back to the parking lot before I got on the metro to have one last cigarette. It relieved me because there were certain moments when the girls and I were talking that became very awkward because one of the girls had dared the other one to kiss me and that would be very very weird but yeah, We didn't kiss and that was pretty much the biggest relief.

I came back home and tried to get some sleep but couldn't. I was aimlessly walking around the house because I had nothing else to do. Then I started rewatching Euphoria because it has great cinematography and the production of the entire series is just beautiful.

The Unknown

I do not know where I am right now.

My mind is in multiple places.

The loss of another friend is unbearable and I don't know how long it will be until another one is gone from this world.

I have broken up. I have cut off everyone I was close to and for those who I still talk to, Just know that I have a special place for all of you in my heart.

For those checking up on me, Thank you. It means a lot.

For those listening to me, Thank you. It means a lot.

For those who are by my side, Thank you. It means a lot.

I sleep under the bed sometimes. It's comfortable during a phase like this. The phase that happens every six months or so and stays for almost 2 months.

Cheeku and the people who I still talk to are the ones keeping me sane.

No amount of cigarettes or alcohol will help with what I am going through right now.

I haven't slept in almost a week now. I won't take the pills frequently because they're too addictive.

For the people out there who are reading this, Save yourself from trauma. Identify it when it's growing and cut it off. It's sort of like cancer, Hard to get rid of but with the right treatment, It can be gotten rid of.

This is not the end.

Death

Immortality is the best curse.

Death is inevitable.

Every person in this world will go out the same way they came into this world. Except that, There's a slight difference.

When someone is born, They do not have knowledge of anything happening around them. With time, They gather as much knowledge as they can through books and other different sources. That's the difference we have at the time of death. We come into the world with nothing and we leave without any materialistic things except for the knowledge we've obtained over the years.

Being scared of death is something that's debatable. As a human, I sure am scared of a few things but I've come to terms with death. It is inevitable. We can most probably extend our lifetime with science but that kind of technology hasn't been invented yet. But, In the meantime, Why be scared of something that we'll be facing eventually?

Never live the rest of your life living in fear of what's inevitable. That's just you burdening yourself with things you don't need to. It's unnecessary. Come to terms with death and embrace it when the time comes. Do things that will make you feel like you've accomplished something before you kick the bucket because immortality is a joke.

I've wished to live forever since I was a kid but now I understand why it's not the best option. Immortality is the best curse and it's because you're living long enough to see people you love grow up and become successful. You're seeing the development of the human race. These are the best aspects of being immortal but the negative aspects always outweigh the best aspects when it comes to immortality. The curse that comes with being immortal is to watch everyone you've ever loved die while you live. It will reach the point where you wish you were dead but you realize that it's too late to wish that.

Conundrum

I am at that phase in life where I am stuck between doing a lot of things.

The month of May has been a hectic month for me. I've been running around trying to get into good colleges and I finally got into the university I wanted to and got into a course that I like. For people who don't know what course I took up, I got into filmmaking and visual media. It was either fashion designing or filmmaking and I chose the latter as I have a little experience with filmmaking.

A lot of fights have also happened in May. Conflicts between my parents with which I got involved as well. There were times when it turned into a physical altercation but nonetheless, We pulled through. I've missed a few people as well and the first person being Cheeku. I don't really see Cheeku as a dog but more as a human. It doesn't matter how many times I visit him, It just doesn't seem to be enough.

The most annoying thing about the past couple of months is the weather. I hate the summer. It's just that time of the year when the sun is beating down on us and I don't know about y'all but man, I hate summer with my entire heart. Winter is much better than the warm sunny weather where everyone is sweating their balls off and they're all smelly and sticky and it's just annoying and irritating. I literally cannot wait for winter. It's the perfect weather to literally do anything you want to.

You wanna smoke? Winter. You wanna fuck? Winter. You wanna sleep comfortably? Winter. You wanna take a piss? Winter it fucking is

It's just the perfect weather.

To practically sum up how summer is, It's like spending a day at the passport office while residing near a coastal area. You've just moved there and you're totally not used to the humid weather.

This is exactly what happened today because I had to get my passport renewed and I spent 7 hours in a building that was hot as hell and filled to the brim with people who wanna get out of this country except that I didn't move to a coastal area. But Bangalore was just unbelievably hot and humid which almost made me lose my shit.

I came back home at 5:30 and I was pretty much bathed in sweat because some asshole decided to build the passport office 2 kilometers from the metro station and I had to walk all the way over there and back to the metro station, In the summer.

Good for me, I guess.

But, The past month was pretty good overall considering that I almost lost my shit a ridiculous number of times.

Let's just hope that the weather gets much more bearable? To each their own or whatever floats your boat.

Literally cannot wait for winter at this point.

Mistakes

I do not claim to have not made any mistakes. I am human as well.

There's a point in your life where you just stop doing everything you are currently, Like, You just drop everything that you've got on your hands and you just sit there thinking why you did the things that you did.

But, there are two ways that this can go. It can go down the path where you are correcting your mistakes and you make sure that you do not repeat them again and there's a path where you keep repeating the mistakes until you figure out later on by certain experiences that you should've stopped when you could.

This is the perfect example of Fuck Around and Find Out or in much simpler terms, Actions have consequences.

There's something that happened recently that put me in a spot where I regret doing it and should've thought about it in advance before I did it. The "Something" I am referring to is me being topless in a video that I posted on Instagram and a certain someone seeing it and not liking me as a person. All I did was take my shirt off and it might not seem like a big deal to people who are reading this right now but for someone who's much older than I am or you are, It definitely is something that's not considered decent behavior.

I have made a mistake. I am on the path where I am going to make amends and owe up for what I've done.

I just hope I can get back whatever I had with that person by trying to make things better.

Two Weeks 2

Okay, This is an update for the previous blog.

I dropped my cycle to get serviced and the entire reason why the gears weren't shifting properly was because the cassette is totally mangled as well as the chain which has been stretched out quite a bit.

The cassette consists of different gears you can shift on your cycle. The cassette is a collective term as the individual gears are called sprockets. The problem with my older cassette is that the teeth on the sprockets are bent and twisted as well as the bearing that the cassette sits on is worn out.

The hanger is a bit bent as well but since the hanger is much more expensive than the derailleur, The mechanics will hammer it back into shape and fine-tune the gears so that it shifts smoothly.

The best part about the entire service is that the new cassette is entirely chromed which gives out a shiny look to the cycle. I am excited about the new cassette and cannot wait to see how it's going to look on my cycle but I also do know for a fact that the cycle will feel refreshed, Not necessarily new but like it's been revamped.

The new parts aren't upgrades but they're the same parts I had on the cycle when I got it but this time they're a bit better when it comes to durability.

I'll be getting the cycle back on Saturday and I cannot wait to break it in on Sunday morning.

Also, There will be new blogs every two days instead of posting every day.

Two weeks

It has been almost 2 weeks since I've gone cycling and my legs feel like shit right now.

A cycle consists of many parts and one of them is made to fail on purpose. It's a relatively small part called a Derailleur Hanger and the derailleur is the rear gear.

The reason why the Hanger is meant to fail is that when the cycle gets involved in a crash or if there's an impact on the derailleur, The Hanger breaks on purpose so that there's no damage to the derailleur.

The Hanger is the weakest point in the cycle yet it maintains its title of being the most crucial part because it isolates the derailleur from the actual frame which prevents the frame from getting damaged if it got involved in a crash provided the derailleur was attached directly to the frame. It is also the most expensive part of the cycle.

Why am I talking about cycling and the anatomy of it? It's because I haven't been cycling in almost 2 weeks and I am on the verge of going insane. Cycling has always been my own way of letting out whatever I've bottled up. If I'm angry, I go cycling. If I'm sad, I go cycling. If I'm happy, I go cycling. It's something I've been doing for 8 years and it means too much for me to let go of.

The entire reason today's blog exists is that the Hanger on my cycle is damaged and no matter how much I try to adjust the gears, It just won't work properly. When it comes to adjusting the rear derailleur, It needs to be precise or else the chain might get stuck between the spokes and shred the entire wheel or can get stuck in between the frame and the last sprocket of the Cassette and mess up the paint.

I'll be dropping my cycle off to service tomorrow and hope that they can fine-tune the rear derailleur.

Simp

People these days are woke as fuck to the point where a guy/girl treating his/her girl right is called a "Simp".

Simp: Someone who does way too much for a person they like (According to Urban Dictionary).

Doing too much for a person you're interested in or a person you like is totally okay. Going overboard with something, Let's say, Your girlfriend's or boyfriend's birthday or it might be a special occasion like the day y'all met is something special and there's nothing wrong with going overboard or celebrating over the limit where both the people are having fun.

It does not make you less of a man/woman if you do a lot for someone you like. No matter how tough you look on the outside, There will always be a soft spot for your loved ones. There's something called a Sigma male these days and people just throw the word "Sigma" around without knowing the meaning behind it.

Sigma: A popular, Successful, But highly independent and self-reliant person (According to Urban Dictionary because this generation is woke as fuck and will find a pair of underwear offensive because it ain't gender neutral or something similar and some woke motherfuckers will find this joke offensive as well because it makes fun of their sexuality but please keep it to yourself and do not show up in my DMS)

But getting back to what I was saying, Being a Sigma means that a person is adhering to a set of rules that do not disrespect anyone or put them in a place where they're seen as scum. That word is misinterpreted these days as 15-year-olds think it's "Sigma" to disrespect anyone they see without a valid reason and this applies to people who call a man/woman simp just because they treated their partner right.

Do not be woke for no reason or for the wrong reason as well. If you see or hear something you don't like then the best thing to do would be to fuck off.

The point on top only applies to something that's not too offensive.

If you find it very offensive then go ahead, Throw hands for real.

Priority

It depends on what or who you consider more important than the others.

Would you rather be by your parents' side or with someone who's just been in your life for a very short period of time?

That's the mistake people make these days. People decide to put someone else on a pedestal and make them their entire personality and world instead of those who were there at every stage of their life. What they don't realize is that a person or a relationship, Be it any kind, Cannot be their entire life.

There is so much more to life than just a person or an object. Consider that your life is a bottle and it is entirely filled with water. The water signifies a person or an object that means a lot to you. Now, You can't keep the entire bottle filled with water because you will have to use it to store a different liquid at some point in time. That is life.

A person can take up a little space in your life and still mean the world to you but always prioritize you and the people who have always been there for you since the beginning and that is your family. When you make a person or an object your entire life, Then there won't be anything left for you to add to it to make it exciting or fun. The entirety of it is saturated and when it's saturated to the point where even if you try spicing it up, It just won't work.

Always remember, A relationship is just a part of your life, Not the entire thing.

Credits to my girlfriend who actually gave me the idea for this blog without even knowing it. 

Vincent Van Gogh

Like no one before, Nor since

You painted that starry night in oils

Superimposing your life story.

I feel I know this idyllic village

Blanketed by tranquil rolling hills

Embraced by calming olive trees

Their very branches a symbol of peace

The steadfast church steeple

A sacred echo of the stalwart cypress.

But never have I witnessed

Hills so inflamed-burning to tell the world their history

A moon so agitated-suffering from an incurable insanity

The sky so frenzied-seeking answers to life's suffering

Such undulating indigo eddies of despondency and confusion

Or stars radiating with such feverish beauty-concentric circles of passion.

That starry night

You painted stars that, Like you, Are light-years away from anyone else

Looking on the serene village scene from an insurmountable distance

For you saw things, Vincent,

Like no one before, Nor since.

This is a poem written about Van Gogh's very well-known painting "That Starry Night".

It goes on to explain how Vincent painted the art piece keeping aspects of his life in mind. It describes a countryside with rolling hills that have olive trees growing on them and olive branches have been known to signify peace. He also mentions a church steeple that stands resolutely and a Cyprus tree that shows outstanding strength.

The rest of the poem goes on to describe what Vincent has painted. But we need to know that Vincent only craved peace in his life which is depicted by the olive trees and branches.

Like Vincent, All of us crave peace but there are things that stop us from getting what we need so that we can lead a peaceful life without any trouble or worries. But, What we can do is try and obtain it one step at a time. The slower we take things and embrace them, The better it will be for us.

Unfortunately, Vincent never found the peace that he so desperately needed and killed himself by shooting himself in the chest with a revolver. He was pushed to do this by the high standards he had set for himself and by working too hard to put out the best art that the world could see made him do this.

He was a person of quality and always preferred to be that way up until his death. We stress ourselves out a lot by trying to push ourselves to do better at the things we do in life but it can also destroy us from the inside which can lead to us taking the extreme step. The best way to prevent this is to stay calm and do things one by one.

Vincent taught us a very valuable life lesson through his art and let's take that as an example of how to lead our lives.

Games

As a kid, I used to play a lot of games. All of us did at some point. The first game I ever played was "The Secret of Grisly Manor". It was a game about the main character's grandfather who was missing and our goal as the MC was to find out what happened to him. It was a very creepy game but I loved it.

Most of the games I played varied from simulation to action and everything in between. I remember trying to download Euro Truck Simulator 2 on my dad's PC because that game blew up somewhere in 2018 and guess what, During the process of installing the game, I had also installed a virus that multiplied the tab that I was on which caused the entire PC software to crash and I also remember my dad screaming at me for messing up his work files and more.

But, My first introduction to games was back when I received a PlayStation 2 for my 10th birthday and the first ever non-mobile game I played was Hitman: Silent Assassin. That game had me on the edge of my bed as I had to be really quiet while I tried to do something as the enemies in the game would get alerted very easily.

By far, The best two games I've ever played in my life would be GTA Vice City and Need For Speed: Most Wanted. The thrill of losing everything you had at the beginning of the game and trying to do everything that you could to gain it back and the visible satisfaction that I used to get felt good.

The toughest game I've ever played was Assassins Creed: Black Flag. I've spent more hours than I've studied on that game as there was this one objective that I had to just finish to get moving on to the next part of the game and it would leave me frustrated and angry to the point where I would rage quit but used to pick the controller up again in a few minutes. I eventually finished the objective but it took me almost a week.

I've had my fair share of playing Clash of Clans when it blew up in 2016 and I was hooked on to the game. I became addicted to the point where my dad would pry the phone out of my hands and I wouldn't get the phone for the next 2 days. Subway Surfers was one of the games I was addicted to as well. Surfing trains as a fat policeman tried to catch you? Fuck yes, I was down for some of that action. But what I found funny was how the policeman always kept up even though he was fat and whatever character I played was obviously faster than him. That will be a mystery for ages to come.

I never had any games on my phone up until 2 days ago when I downloaded SimCity. I remembered playing that game around 2 years ago and I wanted to experience the entire feeling of being the mayor (I'm not into politics but come on, The game is pretty good). That's the only game I might ever play in a long time to come.

I wish I could go back to the days when I was very enthusiastic about games but I know that as I only get older, The enthusiasm will only come down. So I do what everyone does best, Reminisce the past and think about the good times I had while doing what I loved the most.

Sleepover

Yesterday was supposed to be a date at the planetarium but it took a weird turn in a good way.

My girlfriend and I had two options, Head over to the planetarium or get drunk. We chose the latter. We decided to stop by a bookstore on the way to Pegs N Bottles and we were basically just looking around for books that we'd like to read. We spent about 30 minutes in the bookstore and started walking towards the place we'd be drinking at.

We reached the place and decided to get the classic Old Monk rum and a Bacardi rum and we started drinking. We went to the smoking room at one point and there were other people inside as well. My girlfriend and I settled down at the far corner of the smoking room and I overheard this person talking about rock music. His name was Aditya and he had come along with some of his other friends who were Shania and Kimberly (Kim for short).

We struck up a conversation about rock music and we got along very well from the beginning. About two hours into the conversation which consisted of other topics as well, We decided to have a sleepover and my girlfriend called her friend up and he was okay with us using his place. Thank you Shounak for letting us use your place. I'll cook something really nice for you the next time I come over. So I got blackout drunk and puked my guts out about 5 times and this is how the brother code kicks in because people I didn't even know were calming me down when I was throwing up. The funny part is I don't remember most of the things I did when I was drunk so I guess win-win situation?.

We left PnB and made our way to Rajajinagar where Shounak picked us up and went over to his place. Kim sort of started a bit squirrely so we ditched her as Shounak would get into trouble. As soon as we had reached his place, We started to play music and we were basically vibing.

We made noodles for dinner and we watched Aditya rap lyrics of every song that he played while we drank, Smoked, And ate on the 9th-floor balcony. After a few hours of discussing what our favorite songs were and having food, We realized that we were out of cigarettes and went out to get some. Shounak was driving the car while my girlfriend and I sat thinking about what song we'd play during the very short drive to the petrol station to get cigarettes.

We came home and had a lot of conversations about life and a lot more. We checked the time and it was 3 in the morning and decided that we'd get some sleep considering the amount of alcohol we drank the day before.

It's funny how we literally had a sleepover with people we met like 6 hours ago. I fell asleep really quick while cuddling and by far, Best sleep I've gotten ever since New Year.

We need to live in the moment instead of thinking about things that might not let us do what we want to. All of us were living in the moment yesterday and I think that's why we got along really well and we made new friends as well.

Aditya, Shania, And Shounak, We're definitely doing this again.

Thank you to everyone who took care of me when I was piss drunk, It really means a lot.