Ashes

I was burning, I still am. The smell fills the place that I am at. Ashes everywhere. I try and pick up whatever is left of me at that moment. I take a broom to it. I fill all the ashes in a jar but it is not enough. It will never be enough.

I go searching for her in every person I meet, yet I’m not able to find what I’m looking for. I search in every nook and cranny but in vain. I make some coffee and when I take a sip of it, it reminds me of her lips. All those nights spent together, naked, looking into each other’s eyes and thinking that we’re going to make it. We’re going to sit and look back at everything that we’ve been through and tell each other that we made it. That we made it through every single hurdle that life threw at us.

Now I spend my nights alone. Wide awake and looking at the ceiling while I think of her. I check my phone every hour, hoping that I get a message from her but without any success.

I try to climb out from the hole that I’ve fallen into. The hole that I’ve dug for myself.

Without success.

I sit back and light up a cigarette. I smoke it until I see more ash than the cigarette produces.

It’s me.

I’m burning.

Entirely going up in flames.

I try and pick up whatever is left of me. All the ash. I try and put it in a jar but it’s not enough.

There is more ash than I expected.

I’m burning.

It’s a bonfire.

The jar is filled to the brim.

It’s not enough.

It will never be enough.