Broken Trust

You decide to trust someone with your feelings and emotions but sometimes things don't pan out the way you expected them to.

I am the kind of person that would rather receive bad news straight from the person it involves than receive it from someone else. A person I know and trust with my life took the time and put in effort to inform me of someone I trust. They told me that they were involved in certain things that would break the bond we had with each other and I was pretty much shocked to listen to them tell me certain things about a person that I had a special bond with.

Sometimes, You start to wonder where you went wrong when you hear such things and sometimes you feel like you were lacking in certain things but you cannot for the sake of it, Figure out where you're lacking. That's pretty much how I felt yesterday when I was listening to them telling me that this person has been getting involved in certain things. I felt confused, Let down, Disappointed, And whatever trust I had with the person just felt like it wasn't there anymore. To put it bluntly, I felt like shit.

When someone you trust your life with and someone you would believe anything that they told you tells you those things about a certain person, There is something that flips inside of you and you start wondering where you went wrong for them to have done such a thing like that. That was me yesterday. A lot of things that I spent time stowing away came flooding back and I found myself in a place where I didn't know how to feel. Everything that I had worked hard to build just came crashing down. I thought about what I should be feeling at that moment but I realised that I was feeling nothing. The only thought that was in my head at that certain point in time was, "Why would someone do that to me when they know what I've been through?".

I am the kind of person who if I ever heard something that would damage the bond between myself and the person I trust, Whatever I've heard will just keep playing over and over and over again in my head like a damaged record. The thought of it never goes away because I've been there multiple times and to go through it again just does not feel good.

I was with Cheeku when I heard the news and he somehow helped me calm down. My anxiety had started peaking and I could not for the sake of it, Figure out what I'd do next. The thought I had in my mind just kept bugging me throughout the entire day and night.

My mentality stability right now, At this moment is entirely fucked up. I need time to process why I don't feel anything about the situation at hand right now but at the same time is somehow affecting my mind.

I probably will never trust them again or believe anything that they say but only time will tell and I kid you not, The person who informed me about it is someone who would never lie to me and they are someone who would rather tell me the bitter truth than the sweet lie and I'm grateful that they are that kind of person.

I am split between things right now.

I do not know what I am supposed to do.