Being cool

We always get along with people who have something that's relatable to us but do we always need to make it about relatability?

This is something that happened a while ago but pesters me to this day because it was between my best friend and another person that I don't get along with well. We were hanging out at this pub with my best friend and a couple of other people when the "other person" pointed out scars on my best friend's arm and said that it was very cool as she had a few scars as well.

Now, What pissed me off was that the "other person" considered that it was a topic to talk about while there were around 8-9 people with us who aren't that used to either listening or talking about certain things that are related to suicide. This "person" went on an entire tea-spilling session while she was among people who are there to have fun and drink.

I glanced over to my best friend as she gave me a look that she was done with this shit and that's when we decided to head out. We went on over to Airlines so we could grab a coffee and sober up. All of us were sitting and talking to each other in a very decent manner while this "person" was acting erratic and was causing trouble for the other people present there as well as embarrassing us.

Then the last straw was drawn. She asked my best friend to keep her forearm next to hers so that she could click a picture of the scars and post it on her Instagram story. This is where the word "relatability" becomes useless because a lot of people aren't comfortable sharing their private things or sharing how they lead their lives. They might be over the "self-harming" phase and it really isn't necessary to point certain things out about a person that they aren't comfortable with.

You don't need to be relatable to another person in order for you to get along. You can be your own self. It does not matter if you don't fit in with the cool kids and that's what makes you different. Just you being you is much better than trying to fit in.

Curly

Today was when I met her. She's pretty tall and slender but holy shit she's pretty. I was shitting my pants when I reached the metro station and I walked down the stairs with shaky legs and saw her waiting.

This was when my hands started to shiver and I sauntered over to her as if I was alright but only I knew what was going on internally, Which was me almost screaming because I've never gotten along this well with a person in just 2 days. We hugged each other and got an auto back to her place.

That's where I met 4 of her other friends. It sure was a bit awkward in the beginning but I got along really well. We could relate to a lot of things and we spoke about it as well. It definitely was a pretty chill day and that was when we decided to smoke up.

She and I lit up a joint and we were splitting it in the bathroom while listening to "All Eyez On Me" by 2Pac and by the time we knew it, We were dancing together. She held my back and pulled me in closer while I did the same. Let's just say that we were in really close proximity by then.

The first thing I noticed about her was her hair because we've got very similar hair and the second thing was her tattoos. She's got beautiful tattoos on her forearm and she's got a couple dedicated to two basketball players and she has a beautiful piece done on her other forearm which is space related. I absolutely fell in love with her tattoos.

We sort of sat back together as we felt the weed take control. Our eyes were bloodshot and shrunk down. She was lying down between my legs with her back facing me and my hands around her. The comfort that I had was just impeccable.

After a while, As we sobered up, It was time for me to leave. I loved every single second I spent with her and I hope I see her again because she won't be in Bangalore after May and I won't get to see her for another 4 months. But, It is what it is, If things go good and the way it's supposed to go, I'm pretty sure you'll see me write more about her in the future.

<3

4:30

I find comfort in the cold and dark. I don't know why but it's something that makes me feel at peace.

Most of you know that I'm a professional cyclist and that I go cycling early in the morning. To be precise, I go cycling at 4:30 in the morning when people are sleeping comfortably. You hear dogs barking at each other, It might be because of territorial issues but yes. 

You can also see people unloading bundles of newspapers near tea shops at that hour. The smell of freshly printed newspaper is satisfying to a limit until it starts stinging your nose. Most importantly, The smell of the air is immaculate. There's no best way to describe how it smells, But it sure is refreshing. Sometimes you see people going out on early morning walks and I see them look at me because I'd be all dressed up in my cycling kit.

It's also astonishing how quiet everything is when it's dark. It feels like the entire neighborhood might wake up even if you whisper. But, That's the beauty of it. You never get tired of it. It's addictive in a certain way. Once you start waking up early when it's still dark, You'll never be able to stop doing it.

It's sort of magical in a way.

Acquaintance

 It's funny how two people who were once strangers get along once introduced. It's even better when both hit if off right from the start. I'll be telling y'all about something similar that happened today.

I went over to the college I studied in so that I could get my marks card attested and I handed it over to the staff. I walked out and I made a very impulsive decision and that was to visit Church Street. I took a metro and I reached Church Street in about 20 minutes.

The first thing I always do when I go to Church Street is that I head on over to the parking lot which is located right next to the metro station and I smoke a cigarett to calm myself. Smoking helps me calm down since I have anxiety and I start feeling anxious around a lot of people. I was smoking and thinking about what I'd do next when this person, Who was also smoking walked up to me and complimented my hair.

He had curly hair as well and he was wearing a beautiful Metallica t-shirt. We started to talk about our hair and the conversation diverted in different directions. We spoke about our Bumble matches and how we've matched with the same people and basically spoke about the entire experience of being on a datin application. We smoked two more cigarettes and he came up with the idea of heading over to Chin Lungs and getting some beer.

Today was supposed to be the day where I didn't want to get drunk but since we had gotten along incredibly well with each other, I gave in to the idea of drinking and we slowly sauntered over to Chin Lungs. Drinking on an empty stomach hits different. We got a pint of beer each and had a couple more smokes as well. We spoke about our college lives and the shit we used to do.

It's incredible how you can get along with someone you just met 30 minutes ago and bond over a random topic and in our case it was our hair.

People ask me why I go to Church Street and Airlines very often to the point where it has sort of become my second home.

It's solely because of this reason why I keep going to the same place almost everyday. You get to meet a lot of interesting people there and it's too much fun.

Intimacy

 You feel a certain way when you're being intimate with a person you like or with a person you want to be intimate with. There are different types of relationships and you can either be emotionally invested or have no strings attached.

It's good when you have a thing with someone where you don't need to worry about what the other person feels when something goes wrong. It's known as a "casual relationship" these days where two people get together and do everything that an emotionally invested couple would do but minus the emotional part. It's basically having fun while being physically intimate without having to deal with the extra baggage Aka. Emotions.

It works best when two people of the same mindset and same needs get together and talk about what each of them requires and it usually works when each person's needs align with the other person's needs.

When we're talking about a casual relationship, There's always loads of sex. This is a topic that's considered very taboo to talk about or discuss in Indian families except in a handful of them where the elders actually emphasize educating their children about sex so that they know what the right thing to do is. But, Most Indian households shy away from talking about sex as it's something that only the "elders" should be involved in and teenagers (people who are 18 and below 25) shouldn't be.

But, Here's my opinion, Learning anything at a young age will lead to an individual being more experienced at something and this applies to everything that an individual does in life. Sex is included as well. Most people in our country think that sex is just penetration when it's actually not. There's more to sex than what the common man/woman knows.

When you're having sex, Your excitement reaches a peak. There are a series of intense muscle contractions as your body releases the pressure. The muscles of the uterus and vagina contract thus producing a feeling of tightness and the base muscle of the penis contract and release thus making us ejaculate.

But, What is the point of talking about all this?

There are a lot of things you learn when you're being intimate with your partner and it comes down to how you handle things when something goes south. Let's just say, Your partner had an anxiety attack while doing the deed. Instead of the other person getting scared, The best thing you can do is try and calm the other person down but holding them close and assuring them that nothing will go wrong. Stroke their back. Make them drink water and try to comfort them as much as you can.

This is the best thing you can do when someone is having a panic or an anxiety attack mid-sex and the worst thing to do would be to ignore them which can potentially increase the duration of the attack and make it worse for the other person.

I dedicate this blog to a person I would not like to reveal. If you're reading this, Just know that I had loads of fun with you, And this blog is dedicated to you.

Judgment day

Everyone on this planet has been in a place where their anxiety takes over for some reason. It can be any reason for that fact. My reason is that I'll be getting my examination results tomorrow.

A bit of context for those who have no idea what I'm talking about. I wrote my 2nd PU exam in 2022 and I failed math. I wrote my supplementary/compartment exam as well and I failed math in that as well. I dropped a year and prepared for my math exam for the third time and wrote my math paper in March this year and I'm getting my results tomorrow.

It's sort of weird because when I was getting my board results for the first time, I wasn't that scared but I can relate to the people who have failed more than once in a single subject. When you find out that you're getting your results the very next day, There's something that you feel in your chest. This feeling, It can be best described as nerve-wracking because that's how it feels.

Every nerve in your body starts tingling and you have no idea what to do cuz you never anticipated this. All you can do is face the consequences of your actions and once you realize that there's no going back, That's when you know that you're in the deep. There is no escaping or running away from this.

All you can do is wait until the clock ticks and ticks until it is time.

Judgment day, The day when everything comes down to the wrath of God and everything is in his hands.

Tomorrow is that day, I never believed in God for certain reasons but the title of this blog makes it obvious what I'm talking about right now. Knowing that I've given my everything when I wrote my math paper, I hope I pass.

All the best to everyone who has written their exams this year, I hope y'all get good results.

Disorders

Disorder: An illness or condition that disrupts physical or mental functions.

Living with a disorder can be hard. The entire meaning of  "Disorder" means that whatever condition you have is limiting you from reaching your full potential or from doing your daily activities. There are multiple disorders, Some severe while some are not that severe which might not affect your daily routine.

I've had ADHD, Anxiety, Insomnia, And Panic disorder for the past 3 years. The symptoms started showing early during my school days when I wouldn't get enough sleep that someone of my age should be getting. I would become extremely hyper or extremely sluggish at times as well as lose interest in whatever I would be doing at the moment. My hands would start shivering whenever I was outside with a lot of people around me. The worst one of them all was when I could not get myself to concentrate on the work I was doing.

Sometimes it got very bad, Especially during my exams because I would have a lot to study and then would end up losing concentration as my mind would be distracted by something else at the moment. But, I always scraped through somehow. I'd read a single page at least 10 times so that I could understand a tiny part of whatever it was I was reading and then fabricate an answer of my own related to what I've understood during my exam that would make sense to the evaluator.

I did find ways to try and get myself on track but it rarely works. It's like gambling in a casino, You never know when you're going to win or lose. But, Reading and cycling are something that makes me feel good, And they have helped me with my disorders a lot as well. Whenever I'm frustrated, Angry, or sad, I wake up early the next day at around 4:30 in the morning and I go cycling. It helps me calm down immensely and puts me in a good mood for the rest of my day.

Sometimes, I get a lot of mood swings as well. I'll be really calm but then my entire mood shifts to either being angry or frustrated in an instant for no reason, But the good thing is that this happens every once in a while.

Sometimes, It doesn't matter what limits you, The only thing you need to do is push yourself to be the best version of yourself and you will know when you are peaking at what you do best or at life.

Breaking point

Someone bringing up things from your past repeatedly is always annoying. But, When it's being brought up again and again and again to the point where something clicks in you, That is when you know that you've reached your breaking point.

Something similar happened on Sunday. It was a normal morning and I did what I do every day as soon as I woke up. I brushed my teeth, Washed my face, And prepared breakfast. I was drinking coffee when things went to shit.

I'll give you some context, I had a family gathering yesterday and I met my cousin after 14 years and we're of similar age. We had a long conversation and we started vibing the second we spoke to each other. Skip to Sunday, Mum started asking me what my cousin and I spoke about because she had not overheard our conversation.

I tell her that we had a lot of mutual friends on Instagram and that we were talking about our interests and our college life. Mum starts asking me if I told him that I failed math and dropped out for a year and I affirmed it but telling her that I brought up the said topic but what she didn't hear was me telling her that I told my cousin I had failed. The entire this was a misunderstanding between my mum and me.

She started going all out on me because she thought I hadn't brought up the topic of me having failed math as she wanted me to tell the truth but I had mentioned it to her beforehand and she wasn't listening properly. Mum started bringing up all the bad things I had done in the past.

I did not want to argue with her so I kept my mouth shut and tried to ignore whatever she was saying. I consider myself a pretty calm person and there isn't much that annoys me, Irritates me, Or sends me over the edge. But then, There came a point where something clicked inside me and I just couldn't keep my mouth shut anymore and I spoke up.

It doesn't matter how calm of a person you are because there is always something that makes you lose control and break down or go absolutely ballistic, And that is exactly what happened on Sunday.

Long story short, I ended up having an argument with her, And a lot of hurtful things were thrown at each other. I went out because walking or being around dogs help me calm down. I did not come back home until it was 10:30 at night. I had gone to Airlines to meet Cheeku and it pretty much calmed me down to the point where I felt normal.

We are not speaking to each other as I'm typing this out right now but I still love Mum and I know that things will go back to being normal after a few days but the wound is going to be fresh for a while.

Insecurities

I text a lot of people. I hang around with a lot of people. What I hear all the time are people talking about their insecurities.

Being insecure is a feeling of inadequacy. It means that one does not believe in themselves. It directly translates to one not having enough confidence in the person that they are.

For the ones who are going to bash me by saying that I don't know anything about being insecure, Let me tell you, I used to be very insecure about myself. I hated the way I looked entirely and it was not a place I wanted to be in. Some people don't understand how hard it is to get over insecurities but I had two people who understood me very well and they are my parents.

My parents made me understand things in a way where it wouldn't offend me but they made sure that the point they were trying to make did get through to me. It sure does take time to accept the person that you are but it can surely be done.

The way my parents explained things to me went somewhere along the lines of me being privileged. They told me that there are a lot of people who don't have limbs or do have limbs that won't work properly. Some of them might have incurable diseases or some of them might not have a roof over their head or any clothes to wear. Some of them don't have parental figures.

The point they made got through. I sat and thought about it for a long time and everything started to make sense. When I've got my life in order and when I've got people around me to support me and take care of me, I shouldn't be worrying about anything. I slowly came to terms with the person that I am and honestly, It felt like freedom. Whatever I considered as flaws in me became something that was normal for me.

I started seeing things in a different way.

It's no use worrying about the way you look or anything that you're insecure about when you can't change things and the best thing you can ever do is come to terms with it and work on yourself to become a better person.

It's always satisfying to see someone at their peak rather than at their lowest.

Saturation

You wake up in the morning and get the news that something bad has happened to one of your friends or something bad has happened to you and when you feel nothing about it emotionally, You've reached the point of saturation.

What does it actually mean?

It means that shit can't hurt you anymore. It doesn't matter what it is and who it is, You just won't feel anything towards it or them. For example, Your S/O cuts ties off with you and you're sitting there listening to them giving their reasons for the breakup and you don't feel sad or angry or agitated. You basically feel nothing at the moment.

Why does this happen?

This happens mostly because of past experiences or trauma which makes a person numb and emotionless. Repeated bad experiences make the brain and the body acquainted with a certain type of sadness that never fades away and it results in a person gearing up for what's about to come even when they're in a good place.

Happiness is short-lived because you're always thinking about what might happen next and when the situation or the person proves it, You're barely hurt. Anticipating what can happen will always save you from getting a scar too deep but it can also make you emotionless, And there's no way you can hurt a person who is emotionless than by showing him/her how to love again and then taking it all away.

Being emotionless is a good thing but not always because there's a requirement as to when you need to use certain emotions and when the requirement is not fulfilled, People see you as being abnormal.

Never lose yourself to people/situations that are not worth it.

Pete

Honestly, I don't even know where to begin.

I met Pete 2 years ago through my best friend Rex and ever since then, We've been inseparable. I met him on a day when I skipped class. I was with a bunch of other people at this common hangout spot for Josephites called Hashtag and since I was the only person there from a different college, I stood out like a sore thumb.

Rex showed up and we were heading somewhere when he introduced me to Pete.

Pete is a properly built dude. His hair was and is the same to this day, Always short. We were walking through Church Street when we started speaking to each other and we hit it off instantly. We hit it off in a way where it felt like we had known each other for years. That day was fun.

After a week, We met again, And this time we met at a cafe called ThirdWave. We shared a few conversations and we started vibing over how good black coffee is compared to coffee with milk and we did all this while sharing a single cup of Espresso. We also discussed our workout routine if I remember correctly.

I got a text from Pete after we had just received our 2nd PU results and he informed me that he would be moving temporarily to Mangalore to continue his studies. I felt low at the time because we had bonded with each other considering the very little time we had to spend. But nevertheless, I was happy that he would be living life on his own and I was proud that he had gotten into a good university.

All this even though I was bummed out that I wouldn't get to meet him as often as we did.

We went out cycling every time he came back to Bangalore for his holidays. We would get coffee and smoke a couple of cigarettes at the Airlines hotel before we headed back home and I will always look forward to this when he comes back to Bangalore again.

Pete has become more of my brother than a friend and this year we made it possible so that I could meet him in Mangalore and we sure did have loads of fun over there. I felt sad that I had to come back to Bangalore but the time spent with Pete was absolutely worth it.

Friendship is all about making memories that are everlasting and with Pete, It never fades away. 

Pete, If you're reading this, I love you.

Second chances

When do you give someone a second chance? 

When they leave you because they're bored? When they go fuck someone else but want you in their life or when they're actually willing to make amends and get back whatever they had before shit went south?

Most people look past the "making amends" part of it and it is usually because they think that it is impossible to make things how they were in the past, And sometimes it just won't work but you never know until you try, And that's the point I'll be stressing about. People never try to do things that they want to do. Take, For instance, This blog.

Having a blog of my own is something that I wanted to do for the last 2 years but never really found the time to and now that I have time to do something useful and productive, I happily jumped at the opportunity because I know that I might never get the free time I have right now in the coming future.

The entire reason I have started this blog is that I want the people who are reading this to learn from my mistakes. I am trying my best to put personal things out here and it does take me a lot to post certain private things on the internet but if it helps other people then why not?

To the people who are reading this, You too can try to make amends. You too can try and turn your life around. Give that person a chance. Let go of the ego that you have. It does not matter when you want a certain person in your life because you know as well as I that you will do anything in your power to make them yours once again.

Give them a second chance to make amends and make sure that you make changes as well.

It is never too late to change.

It is never too late to give someone another chance at proving themselves.

Bob The Builder

There is a common joke that's been floating around for a while now. It's made in such a way that if a person is trying to help their girlfriend/boyfriend they're called "a group of construction workers" or "Bob The Builder".

But to be fair, I appreciate the people who try and help other people because they are concerned about their well-being. Unfortunately, In today's generation, Everyone thinks that it's cool to not show your emotions. I party agree with this because a person should know where and when to show his/her emotions because being too emotional or being too emotionless won't work.

Now, Why was the joke originally made? It's because when someone is trying to help someone, They're trying to fix the person that they're trying to help and people relate that to construction workers hence the moniker Bob The Builder who was a construction worker in an animated show. But is it really our responsibility to "Fix" someone? Absolutely not. 

There will be a point where a human being will get tired of trying to help someone out of a ditch they're in. The ditch is an issue or a certain problem another person is going through. There's only so much that a person can do before they give up as they will have exhausted their means or ways of helping someone they love before it starts taking a toll on them as well.

Two people in a relationship can always support each other to be the best version of themselves and grow together as people who are connected to each other through their souls, But they cannot fix other people as it's in the hands of the person in the ditch to get themselves out. A person might reach out to support them but they can't pull the other person out of the ditch by themselves. The load to bear is simply too heavy.

No one should be responsible for another person's mental health. 

It is solely them who must be responsible.

Contemplation

Contemplation is a word derived from the Latin script that was first known as contemplari which then went on to become contemplatio and then arrived at its final form that we know as contemplation in today's generation.

What does it actually mean?

Contemplation is "the action of looking thoughtfully at something for a long time" or "the state of being considered or planned".

A few years ago, I found myself in a similar position where I started to think about what life is. I wanted to end everything. I was thinking about killing myself because it just didn't make sense for me to be alive at the time but here I am writing/typing this blog because there will be people who will make you think differently and they walked into my life at the right time because if not for them, I wouldn't be here.

It's funny how life works sometimes. There are ups and downs but what's important is how you deal with them and how other people help you deal with them. Sure, there are people who will brush you off because it's not their problem to deal with. You cannot expect anyone to deal with your shit all the time because they have their own lives to live. But, People who support you through the bad times are worth keeping. There's a difference between dealing with shit and supporting someone through it and I think that it's very important for people to know the difference between them both.

All it takes is a phone call or a text every couple of days to improve someone's mood or to check up on them. It might not be a big deal for people but it sure does mean a lot to the people who are having a difficult time in life. It gives them reassurance that they aren't going through this alone. That there is someone looking out for them.

As a person who used to be suicidal, I'm very grateful for the people who were with me during those times.

I appreciate everyone who called me up just so they'd know I'm doing fine or dragged me out of my house so I could have a good time.

If not for all of you, I wouldn't be here.

They've got a name that they deserve.

Angels on my shoulder.

Coping mechanism

Everyone has a coping mechanism of their own. It can be punching the door to screaming into your pillow.

My coping mechanism is to go on walks.

Whenever you go out on walks, Be it with friends or family or by yourself, You're often distracted by certain things around you, But you never notice the small things that contribute to the bigger picture.

When I go out on a walk, It's usually because I feel frustrated or angry or feel a certain way that is hard to describe. Most of the time, I don't take my phone with me so that I can notice the small things. Solitude feels good but it's unhealthy as people tend to live in solitude most of their lives as it's a weird addiction.

I like being alone. That way I notice all the small things like flowers growing out of cracks in the wall or from the cracks between the bricks that make up a sidewalk. You notice the weird spots on the leaves of plants that might be a certain deficiency in the plant or might be because of contaminated water that splashes on the leaves when it's being watered. You notice how people behave and move and you tend to observe a sudden change in their facial expressions when they're being told something that might be shocking, surprising, Or sad. You notice children playing around and living in the moment when they don't have a worry in the world.

People say that you need to do more in order to get more but, In reality,

It's always the small things that matter.

It's always the small things that tend to calm you down.

It's always the small things that make you happy.

Point of no return

There's a point of no return for every single human living on the planet.

It can be anything for that fact.

Be it drugs, Cigarettes, Liquor, Social media, Television, etc, etc.

We're going to be talking about how it is to go beyond the point of no return regarding certain substances.

I spent a decent amount of time in rehab for mild drug addiction, And when I say mild, It means taking substances for a year and a half straight without missing out for a single day. Getting caught with your meth pipe isn't a good thing but it was for my own good. Getting caught was the best thing that ever happened to me as it helped me get rid of my addiction, Imagine what would've happened if I hadn't been caught. I would probably be lying dead somewhere with my nose full of Coke and piss stained pants.

A lot of people in this generation thing it's "Cool" to consume such substances but only if they knew the harm it'd do to them. Withdrawal was the worst thing I've ever been through and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy if I had one.

Our generation needs to learn a lot when it comes to certain things that can be easily picked up and made into a habit. As long as we have the willpower to keep things within a limit, We're good.

The reason why I read

My grandma was the one who forced books on me. She made me read The Great Gatsby when I was around 6 years old. I didn't understand shit at the time but it made me go back and read it again when I turned 8. She was one crazy woman but I owe it to her.

It is because of my grandma that I read books now. If she hadn't spent hours taking me to libraries and buying books for me then I wouldn't have picked up reading. My grandma knew 7 Indian languages and was a teacher. She was pretty organized when it came to books. She also taught me how to organize books by the genre they belonged to and in chronological order. She had a pomeranian and his name was Snoopy.

My memory of Snoopy is very faint as I wasn't old enough to remember him, But I do remember him growling at me because my grandma used to shower me with affection instead of Snoopy which, I think, Made him jealous. If I'd want y'all to meet someone from my family then it'd definitely be my grandma. She'd prepare loads of food if I ever took my friends home, Which I never did.

I miss her a lot, To be honest. It's been almost 7 years now. I am lucky because I spent time with my grandma even when she couldn't speak or do much as she was very sick towards the end. But, It's because of her that I am who I am today.

I miss you too much Ajji.

Cheeku

I don't even remember how the weekend went by.

But I sure do remember spending most of my time with Cheeku.

For those of you who don't know who Cheeku is, He is the dog who lives in Airlines Hotel. I've basically watched him grow up for the past 4 years. He is one of the two reasons why I keep going to Airlines. The second reason is that it's become a second home of sorts. The vibe you get when you go there at 6 in the morning is just immaculate, Especially in the winter when it's cold and you can see the fog settling down over the empty parking lot and you have the hot glass of coffee in your hand warming them up. It gives out a graveyard at 1 in the morning kinda vibe but it isn't as scary as a graveyard. It never gets scary because I'll have Cheeku by my side.

Something that surprises me is how loyal dogs can be. At this point, I've pretty much made it evident how much I love dogs, Especially Pitbulls but I love Cheeku more because of the fact that he waits for me outside the gate, And as soon as I pull up, He follows me inside, And sits or sleeps by my legs and never leaves my side.

I'm not allowed to have a dog of my own but I consider Cheeku as my own dog even though I'm not the actual owner.

I love Cheeku.

The Bookstore

Where do I even start?

Today was the day when I felt like I was peaking. She was a bit late but that's totally alright. I was nervous as hell. My anxiety starts acting up at the worst times ever. I needed to smoke really bad because that would at least calm me down a bit.

And then we met.

My hands lost control. They started shivering a lot but the comfort I felt when I was with her was just impeccable.

She is goofy as hell, Like, The definition of goofy. She is always laughing and smiling and like moving her hands around constantly and she has the most amazing hair ever. There's no point in me talking about her eyes because they are the prettiest set of eyes I've ever looked into. I could look into them all day every day and not get bored of it.

We shared a coffee and just spoke a lot. We walked over to Bookworm and checked out a few books and we added some to our reading list.

I hate the part where we have to go back home. That part tears me apart but I know that we will be meeting again and that is the part I cannot wait for because the way she makes me feel is something I haven't felt in a while and I'm grateful for that.

If you're reading this rn, Just know that you mean a lot to me.