There's always something that ticks you off.
It can be someone talking too much or that constant humming produced by the refrigerator.
It's a pain in the ass to get annoyed by everything around me but it's not really a pain if you're used to it. Sometimes there's solace in the things that annoy you. The extra information you receive when someone says something that's not necessary. You get to know things about them. Things you wouldn't want to know but it is how it is.
I'm doing fairly alright I'd say, stuck in between two places would be the right term.
The brutal truth is, I don't think I'm capable of love or being loved. After multiple experiences, I've come to the conclusion that it's just not possible. I'd deny if anyone said that I'll find someone better or someone who can actually show what love is because I've realized that it's all just bullshit. People will love you when they are gaining something from you or when they want something from you. Why would anyone want to be around you if they weren't gaining something from you? Take hook-up culture/casual relationships for example. The people involved in the relationship are gaining something out of each other. The guy uses his penis to gain pleasure and the girl uses her vagina to gain pleasure when it comes to sexual desires. The guy gets good company and the chance of having sex and the girl gets good company and food when it comes to going out on a date.
It can appear in various forms but people will never be selfless. It's basic human instinct. Hell, even I'm not selfless. I'd rather have good company around me for the company that I offer people around me and I'm very selective as to who I have around me.
I've learnt after many experiences with people and relationships that in the end, You and I are the ones who get fucked over despite giving the other person everything you ever could. I've accepted the fact that I've gotten fucked over and that I will get fucked over by certain people who I let into my life.
The only thing that I've been very grateful for is my friend circle. I've got a handful of people around me and they've been nothing but good to me. I consider them family at this point.
It's funny how people change as well. They're caring at the moment but the second you leave or the second you're not present in a certain situation, they're either slipping their hands into someone else's pants or sitting on their lap.
