Conundrum

I am at that phase in life where I am stuck between doing a lot of things.

The month of May has been a hectic month for me. I've been running around trying to get into good colleges and I finally got into the university I wanted to and got into a course that I like. For people who don't know what course I took up, I got into filmmaking and visual media. It was either fashion designing or filmmaking and I chose the latter as I have a little experience with filmmaking.

A lot of fights have also happened in May. Conflicts between my parents with which I got involved as well. There were times when it turned into a physical altercation but nonetheless, We pulled through. I've missed a few people as well and the first person being Cheeku. I don't really see Cheeku as a dog but more as a human. It doesn't matter how many times I visit him, It just doesn't seem to be enough.

The most annoying thing about the past couple of months is the weather. I hate the summer. It's just that time of the year when the sun is beating down on us and I don't know about y'all but man, I hate summer with my entire heart. Winter is much better than the warm sunny weather where everyone is sweating their balls off and they're all smelly and sticky and it's just annoying and irritating. I literally cannot wait for winter. It's the perfect weather to literally do anything you want to.

You wanna smoke? Winter. You wanna fuck? Winter. You wanna sleep comfortably? Winter. You wanna take a piss? Winter it fucking is

It's just the perfect weather.

To practically sum up how summer is, It's like spending a day at the passport office while residing near a coastal area. You've just moved there and you're totally not used to the humid weather.

This is exactly what happened today because I had to get my passport renewed and I spent 7 hours in a building that was hot as hell and filled to the brim with people who wanna get out of this country except that I didn't move to a coastal area. But Bangalore was just unbelievably hot and humid which almost made me lose my shit.

I came back home at 5:30 and I was pretty much bathed in sweat because some asshole decided to build the passport office 2 kilometers from the metro station and I had to walk all the way over there and back to the metro station, In the summer.

Good for me, I guess.

But, The past month was pretty good overall considering that I almost lost my shit a ridiculous number of times.

Let's just hope that the weather gets much more bearable? To each their own or whatever floats your boat.

Literally cannot wait for winter at this point.

Mistakes

I do not claim to have not made any mistakes. I am human as well.

There's a point in your life where you just stop doing everything you are currently, Like, You just drop everything that you've got on your hands and you just sit there thinking why you did the things that you did.

But, there are two ways that this can go. It can go down the path where you are correcting your mistakes and you make sure that you do not repeat them again and there's a path where you keep repeating the mistakes until you figure out later on by certain experiences that you should've stopped when you could.

This is the perfect example of Fuck Around and Find Out or in much simpler terms, Actions have consequences.

There's something that happened recently that put me in a spot where I regret doing it and should've thought about it in advance before I did it. The "Something" I am referring to is me being topless in a video that I posted on Instagram and a certain someone seeing it and not liking me as a person. All I did was take my shirt off and it might not seem like a big deal to people who are reading this right now but for someone who's much older than I am or you are, It definitely is something that's not considered decent behavior.

I have made a mistake. I am on the path where I am going to make amends and owe up for what I've done.

I just hope I can get back whatever I had with that person by trying to make things better.

Two Weeks 2

Okay, This is an update for the previous blog.

I dropped my cycle to get serviced and the entire reason why the gears weren't shifting properly was because the cassette is totally mangled as well as the chain which has been stretched out quite a bit.

The cassette consists of different gears you can shift on your cycle. The cassette is a collective term as the individual gears are called sprockets. The problem with my older cassette is that the teeth on the sprockets are bent and twisted as well as the bearing that the cassette sits on is worn out.

The hanger is a bit bent as well but since the hanger is much more expensive than the derailleur, The mechanics will hammer it back into shape and fine-tune the gears so that it shifts smoothly.

The best part about the entire service is that the new cassette is entirely chromed which gives out a shiny look to the cycle. I am excited about the new cassette and cannot wait to see how it's going to look on my cycle but I also do know for a fact that the cycle will feel refreshed, Not necessarily new but like it's been revamped.

The new parts aren't upgrades but they're the same parts I had on the cycle when I got it but this time they're a bit better when it comes to durability.

I'll be getting the cycle back on Saturday and I cannot wait to break it in on Sunday morning.

Also, There will be new blogs every two days instead of posting every day.

Two weeks

It has been almost 2 weeks since I've gone cycling and my legs feel like shit right now.

A cycle consists of many parts and one of them is made to fail on purpose. It's a relatively small part called a Derailleur Hanger and the derailleur is the rear gear.

The reason why the Hanger is meant to fail is that when the cycle gets involved in a crash or if there's an impact on the derailleur, The Hanger breaks on purpose so that there's no damage to the derailleur.

The Hanger is the weakest point in the cycle yet it maintains its title of being the most crucial part because it isolates the derailleur from the actual frame which prevents the frame from getting damaged if it got involved in a crash provided the derailleur was attached directly to the frame. It is also the most expensive part of the cycle.

Why am I talking about cycling and the anatomy of it? It's because I haven't been cycling in almost 2 weeks and I am on the verge of going insane. Cycling has always been my own way of letting out whatever I've bottled up. If I'm angry, I go cycling. If I'm sad, I go cycling. If I'm happy, I go cycling. It's something I've been doing for 8 years and it means too much for me to let go of.

The entire reason today's blog exists is that the Hanger on my cycle is damaged and no matter how much I try to adjust the gears, It just won't work properly. When it comes to adjusting the rear derailleur, It needs to be precise or else the chain might get stuck between the spokes and shred the entire wheel or can get stuck in between the frame and the last sprocket of the Cassette and mess up the paint.

I'll be dropping my cycle off to service tomorrow and hope that they can fine-tune the rear derailleur.

Simp

People these days are woke as fuck to the point where a guy/girl treating his/her girl right is called a "Simp".

Simp: Someone who does way too much for a person they like (According to Urban Dictionary).

Doing too much for a person you're interested in or a person you like is totally okay. Going overboard with something, Let's say, Your girlfriend's or boyfriend's birthday or it might be a special occasion like the day y'all met is something special and there's nothing wrong with going overboard or celebrating over the limit where both the people are having fun.

It does not make you less of a man/woman if you do a lot for someone you like. No matter how tough you look on the outside, There will always be a soft spot for your loved ones. There's something called a Sigma male these days and people just throw the word "Sigma" around without knowing the meaning behind it.

Sigma: A popular, Successful, But highly independent and self-reliant person (According to Urban Dictionary because this generation is woke as fuck and will find a pair of underwear offensive because it ain't gender neutral or something similar and some woke motherfuckers will find this joke offensive as well because it makes fun of their sexuality but please keep it to yourself and do not show up in my DMS)

But getting back to what I was saying, Being a Sigma means that a person is adhering to a set of rules that do not disrespect anyone or put them in a place where they're seen as scum. That word is misinterpreted these days as 15-year-olds think it's "Sigma" to disrespect anyone they see without a valid reason and this applies to people who call a man/woman simp just because they treated their partner right.

Do not be woke for no reason or for the wrong reason as well. If you see or hear something you don't like then the best thing to do would be to fuck off.

The point on top only applies to something that's not too offensive.

If you find it very offensive then go ahead, Throw hands for real.

Priority

It depends on what or who you consider more important than the others.

Would you rather be by your parents' side or with someone who's just been in your life for a very short period of time?

That's the mistake people make these days. People decide to put someone else on a pedestal and make them their entire personality and world instead of those who were there at every stage of their life. What they don't realize is that a person or a relationship, Be it any kind, Cannot be their entire life.

There is so much more to life than just a person or an object. Consider that your life is a bottle and it is entirely filled with water. The water signifies a person or an object that means a lot to you. Now, You can't keep the entire bottle filled with water because you will have to use it to store a different liquid at some point in time. That is life.

A person can take up a little space in your life and still mean the world to you but always prioritize you and the people who have always been there for you since the beginning and that is your family. When you make a person or an object your entire life, Then there won't be anything left for you to add to it to make it exciting or fun. The entirety of it is saturated and when it's saturated to the point where even if you try spicing it up, It just won't work.

Always remember, A relationship is just a part of your life, Not the entire thing.

Credits to my girlfriend who actually gave me the idea for this blog without even knowing it. 

Vincent Van Gogh

Like no one before, Nor since

You painted that starry night in oils

Superimposing your life story.

I feel I know this idyllic village

Blanketed by tranquil rolling hills

Embraced by calming olive trees

Their very branches a symbol of peace

The steadfast church steeple

A sacred echo of the stalwart cypress.

But never have I witnessed

Hills so inflamed-burning to tell the world their history

A moon so agitated-suffering from an incurable insanity

The sky so frenzied-seeking answers to life's suffering

Such undulating indigo eddies of despondency and confusion

Or stars radiating with such feverish beauty-concentric circles of passion.

That starry night

You painted stars that, Like you, Are light-years away from anyone else

Looking on the serene village scene from an insurmountable distance

For you saw things, Vincent,

Like no one before, Nor since.

This is a poem written about Van Gogh's very well-known painting "That Starry Night".

It goes on to explain how Vincent painted the art piece keeping aspects of his life in mind. It describes a countryside with rolling hills that have olive trees growing on them and olive branches have been known to signify peace. He also mentions a church steeple that stands resolutely and a Cyprus tree that shows outstanding strength.

The rest of the poem goes on to describe what Vincent has painted. But we need to know that Vincent only craved peace in his life which is depicted by the olive trees and branches.

Like Vincent, All of us crave peace but there are things that stop us from getting what we need so that we can lead a peaceful life without any trouble or worries. But, What we can do is try and obtain it one step at a time. The slower we take things and embrace them, The better it will be for us.

Unfortunately, Vincent never found the peace that he so desperately needed and killed himself by shooting himself in the chest with a revolver. He was pushed to do this by the high standards he had set for himself and by working too hard to put out the best art that the world could see made him do this.

He was a person of quality and always preferred to be that way up until his death. We stress ourselves out a lot by trying to push ourselves to do better at the things we do in life but it can also destroy us from the inside which can lead to us taking the extreme step. The best way to prevent this is to stay calm and do things one by one.

Vincent taught us a very valuable life lesson through his art and let's take that as an example of how to lead our lives.

Games

As a kid, I used to play a lot of games. All of us did at some point. The first game I ever played was "The Secret of Grisly Manor". It was a game about the main character's grandfather who was missing and our goal as the MC was to find out what happened to him. It was a very creepy game but I loved it.

Most of the games I played varied from simulation to action and everything in between. I remember trying to download Euro Truck Simulator 2 on my dad's PC because that game blew up somewhere in 2018 and guess what, During the process of installing the game, I had also installed a virus that multiplied the tab that I was on which caused the entire PC software to crash and I also remember my dad screaming at me for messing up his work files and more.

But, My first introduction to games was back when I received a PlayStation 2 for my 10th birthday and the first ever non-mobile game I played was Hitman: Silent Assassin. That game had me on the edge of my bed as I had to be really quiet while I tried to do something as the enemies in the game would get alerted very easily.

By far, The best two games I've ever played in my life would be GTA Vice City and Need For Speed: Most Wanted. The thrill of losing everything you had at the beginning of the game and trying to do everything that you could to gain it back and the visible satisfaction that I used to get felt good.

The toughest game I've ever played was Assassins Creed: Black Flag. I've spent more hours than I've studied on that game as there was this one objective that I had to just finish to get moving on to the next part of the game and it would leave me frustrated and angry to the point where I would rage quit but used to pick the controller up again in a few minutes. I eventually finished the objective but it took me almost a week.

I've had my fair share of playing Clash of Clans when it blew up in 2016 and I was hooked on to the game. I became addicted to the point where my dad would pry the phone out of my hands and I wouldn't get the phone for the next 2 days. Subway Surfers was one of the games I was addicted to as well. Surfing trains as a fat policeman tried to catch you? Fuck yes, I was down for some of that action. But what I found funny was how the policeman always kept up even though he was fat and whatever character I played was obviously faster than him. That will be a mystery for ages to come.

I never had any games on my phone up until 2 days ago when I downloaded SimCity. I remembered playing that game around 2 years ago and I wanted to experience the entire feeling of being the mayor (I'm not into politics but come on, The game is pretty good). That's the only game I might ever play in a long time to come.

I wish I could go back to the days when I was very enthusiastic about games but I know that as I only get older, The enthusiasm will only come down. So I do what everyone does best, Reminisce the past and think about the good times I had while doing what I loved the most.

Sleepover

Yesterday was supposed to be a date at the planetarium but it took a weird turn in a good way.

My girlfriend and I had two options, Head over to the planetarium or get drunk. We chose the latter. We decided to stop by a bookstore on the way to Pegs N Bottles and we were basically just looking around for books that we'd like to read. We spent about 30 minutes in the bookstore and started walking towards the place we'd be drinking at.

We reached the place and decided to get the classic Old Monk rum and a Bacardi rum and we started drinking. We went to the smoking room at one point and there were other people inside as well. My girlfriend and I settled down at the far corner of the smoking room and I overheard this person talking about rock music. His name was Aditya and he had come along with some of his other friends who were Shania and Kimberly (Kim for short).

We struck up a conversation about rock music and we got along very well from the beginning. About two hours into the conversation which consisted of other topics as well, We decided to have a sleepover and my girlfriend called her friend up and he was okay with us using his place. Thank you Shounak for letting us use your place. I'll cook something really nice for you the next time I come over. So I got blackout drunk and puked my guts out about 5 times and this is how the brother code kicks in because people I didn't even know were calming me down when I was throwing up. The funny part is I don't remember most of the things I did when I was drunk so I guess win-win situation?.

We left PnB and made our way to Rajajinagar where Shounak picked us up and went over to his place. Kim sort of started a bit squirrely so we ditched her as Shounak would get into trouble. As soon as we had reached his place, We started to play music and we were basically vibing.

We made noodles for dinner and we watched Aditya rap lyrics of every song that he played while we drank, Smoked, And ate on the 9th-floor balcony. After a few hours of discussing what our favorite songs were and having food, We realized that we were out of cigarettes and went out to get some. Shounak was driving the car while my girlfriend and I sat thinking about what song we'd play during the very short drive to the petrol station to get cigarettes.

We came home and had a lot of conversations about life and a lot more. We checked the time and it was 3 in the morning and decided that we'd get some sleep considering the amount of alcohol we drank the day before.

It's funny how we literally had a sleepover with people we met like 6 hours ago. I fell asleep really quick while cuddling and by far, Best sleep I've gotten ever since New Year.

We need to live in the moment instead of thinking about things that might not let us do what we want to. All of us were living in the moment yesterday and I think that's why we got along really well and we made new friends as well.

Aditya, Shania, And Shounak, We're definitely doing this again.

Thank you to everyone who took care of me when I was piss drunk, It really means a lot.

Troy

Almost everyone knows the story of Troy and how the Greeks and Trojans fought over a woman who had left her husband for another man because she was getting mistreated. We know that Achilles and Hector fought in which Hector dies and his younger brother Paris swears to take revenge.

All this is written down in the book Odyssey which was written by Homer somewhere in the late 8th century BC.

The reason why I brought up the topic of Troy was because of the war tactic that the Greeks executed where they made a wooden horse that was big enough to house around 40 Greek soldiers and they used wood from the ships they came on to build the horse so that the Trojans would get the idea that the Greeks had left the city of Troy. But what they didn't see coming was that the 40 soldiers inside the Trojan Horse would pretty much destroy the entire city and well, To put it in a term everyone will understand, The greeks basically fucked up the entire city by setting it on fire.

This story of the Trojan Horse applies to real life where you never know what someone or something is. Appearances can always be deceiving and this goes well with the saying "Do not judge a book by its cover". But, This can also work in good ways as well. It's like that one song you skipped out on and later on when you decide to listen to it, It's actually pretty good. We tend to judge things from what we see and not by what we experience ourselves.

It may be that we shouldn't judge someone or something by its cover, But, We always need to keep our guard up so that we do not get fucked over in the process. Opening up too much or too little can destroy things between people.

Everything needs to be balanced. When something is out of proportion, That's when things are not fixable.

Communication and Comprehension

Without one, You can't have the other.

Why is communication that important when it comes to any aspect of life? It's because conveying a message clearly will get things done in the right way without much hassle. But, A person can communicate all they want and if the other person doesn't comprehend what they're being told then everything is going to be a mess.

Let's put this in a way that everyone can understand. During World War 2, Two german ships that had allied POWs onboard were sailing towards a certain location when the RAF sighted the two ships. Now, The Germans did try to communicate with the RAF pilots to inform them of the passengers that they had onboard the ship. But, The RAF pilots did not comprehend what the Germans were trying to convey and since the entire Allied Powers were against the Germans, The miscomprehension and the hatred led to the RAF sinking the two ships and killing over 7000 POWs of their own country.

This is also how it can get when there are people involved in an argument or when people are trying to discuss something. When one person does not comprehend what the other is saying then all hell breaks loose and what could've been a small argument or a discussion blows out of proportion and can cause a rift in the relationship those people had.

Being patient and trying to listen very carefully to the other person and what they're trying to convey can save a lot of relationships and arguments. All it requires is two people being as calm as they can be and trying to talk things through in a decent manner.

There's a saying that goes "There's always a silver lining after the storm". The storm is the uncomfortable discussion and the silver lining is the relief that comes after the uncomfortable discussion.

There is a way to avoid conflict and it's through communication and comprehension.

Perfection

Perfect or perfection means free of faults or defects. It can also mean that something or someone does not have any flaws.

But, I do not agree with that. If we take people into consideration, Everyone has certain characteristics of their own that differentiate a person from others. But, What they think is normal might not be considered not so normal from other's perspectives.

But, What is perfection?

The first thing that comes to mind when we are asked a question like the one above is the physical structure of a person. Now let's keep in mind that I'm writing this blog with reference to a person. Getting back to it, The physical structure of a person. Today's generation has a lot of standards and most of them are unrealistic. There is no such thing as perfection.

Perfection is what you make of the other person. Perfection lies in what's considered "flaws" and "imperfections". Why? It's because having something that you or others might consider flaws and imperfections sets you apart from the rest. It makes you unique and one of a kind and no one else can take that away from you.

You might not like it but think about it as being different and embrace it. It doesn't matter if you have stretch marks, tummy rolls, thick arms, legs, Or anything for that fact. Look at it in a way where you see yourself at some point in your life and you don't feel bad about it.

Today's beauty standards are in simple terms, Too fucked. It makes our generation the most naive generation ever because we chase physical appearances over the actual person. The person might be nice but the only thing we see are tits and ass and the way we make it to be is that it has to be perfect. A certain ratio in simpler terms.

Embrace the way you are right now and absolutely do not give a shit about what others say.

If a girl has to show her body to another person in order to make sure that she's enough for the other person, Then you know what this world has come to.

Bright places

All the Bright Places is a very well-written novel by Jennifer Niven which was later made into a movie.

Those who have read the book or watched the movie will know exactly what I'll be talking about next. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder after 10th grade and up until then I thought I was just being very weird given the situation I was in. But, Getting irritated for no reason at all and having extreme mood swings? Something was not right.

How my parents found out about this is something that can be saved for another day. It is a pretty long story involving two of my friends from college but yes, Let's save it for another day. Now, What exactly happens to a person who has something like Bipolar Disorder?

Before we get into that, Bipolar Disorder is a condition/mental illness/disorder which is associated with episodes of mood swings ranging from depressive lows to manic highs. A person who has been diagnosed with this condition may experience mood swings, sadness, anger, anxiety, euphoria, hopelessness, and loss of interest in certain activities, And they also have certain behavioral issues such as irritability, disorganized behaviour, aggression, And agitation to name a few.

But, With the treatment that includes therapy and medications, A person having this disorder can live a normal life such as anyone else but the definition of normal does vary from person to person.

But, What does any of this have to do with the book mentioned above? The person we're introduced to in the beginning, The protagonist, Has bipolar disorder and we are shown what a person goes through when they have a condition that makes them behave differently from time to time.

It does not take much to check up on someone. Two minutes of your time is all it needs to make sure someone is doing okay and those two minutes may not mean anything to you, But it definitely might mean something to the person on the other side. Check up on your close friends and loved ones frequently. Make sure they are doing well mentally and physically.

If any of y'all haven't read the book or watched the movie, Then I'd definitely recommend it.

Maybe, You might learn something from it.

By Yourself

As humans, We don't like being alone or lonely. There is a difference between the two words. being alone is when you are physically by yourself and being lonely is you being disconnected emotionally even when you're with someone.

But, Do you need people around you to actually go on with your day?

No.

Human interaction is definitely important and we shouldn't stray away from that fact but what I don't agree with is that you always need someone with you to make sure that your day is good or when you need to get your work done. 

You can do your work by yourself and you definitely shouldn't be dependent on someone else to get your work done. You do not need to wait around for someone in order to have fun, get your work done, Or when you want to spend a day outside or inside.

You also do not need a plan to have fun. You can make up something as you go on and still manage to have fun. Making impulsive decisions on the fly is actually pretty fun. You never know what you'll be running into or who you might run into.

Let's get back to the topic though. Like I've said before, You do not need people to have fun. Go out by yourself. Go shopping or go to the movies or go get food by yourself. You don't need to wait on someone to get things done.

When you start going out and doing things by yourself, You'll learn that you can get things done by yourself and there is no better feeling when you realize that.